Dainty and Dauntless

This girl:

Love and a girl... two besties.

🌷🌷🌷

The night was windy, carrying dry air off to wherever. The sky was clear, stretched out over the town. The stars, tiny yet demanding of attention twinkled gently.

Natalie gave out a sigh. This night was so calm. She couldn't help but get enveloped in its coziness. She had missed nights like these. All she did back in high school was stare at the vast sky before going to bed.

The winds were dry, sometimes wet, and so calming. She sighed out all her unsaid pains. On nights they were said, she always needed tissue but always found herself without one. So, she let the tears flow, down to her cheek and meet at the chin only to give in to gravity. She didn't blink, all that mattered was the beauty of the sky, her heart and the pain seeping out due to regret. Her conscience was beaming with pride but herself, shrinking. On those nights when she tasted her salty tears, she asked... "why".
She asked repeatedly, slowly burrowing deeper into the center of her agony. It was a bottomless pit.

On better nights she would look around at the lights that illuminated from the distant houses. They were peaceful, blending in so well with the quiet of the night. It felt like she was visiting each household and peeking at their serenity. She looked at them through her dorm window, the only portal that drifted her away from all the high school drama. She avoided drama, the loud came with issues she never wished to indulge in. Out there, beyond the dorm window she would picture, a family was talking over dinner, with a side of light hearty conversation and witty laughter. She had missed home then. For some, they were sound asleep, getting their daily rest or just on the brink of slumber. Perhaps glued to the television, binge watching their favorite show and some, maybe talking on the phone, two hours and counting.

Sheesh, she had thought, ten minutes was an achievement for her. She only managed an hour with Elise.

In the dead of night, she adored the thought of two people making love, tangled in sheets, entrusting their vulnerability in each other's gaze,  the hot breath exchanged and sounds synced to perfection. What trust it took! She did blush a bit.

Then she couldn't help think of the possible pain taking place out somewhere. Instilling pain and receiving pain on such beautiful nights saddened her. Her heart sank as her eyes scanned around, did someone need help? She noticed nothing. The calm wind floating by came with no voice either. That brought relief. With that she would say a prayer, for peace, security and hope to any one that needed it.

"May their most silent of the loudest, deepest and desperate requests be fulfilled."

Those nights made her feel contentment.

These nights. They were different. The view of lights was now refocused into one of a wall. She only got to see the night sky when she was outside the house. She made sure to give it a passing glance, she still loved it. Home was the new normal and it was not very exciting. During day she did the chores and in the night, drained the phone battery. Exhausting!
Natalie sat in bed and pulled out her phone. The notifications made her gasp. Folks seemed extra active on this day. She hated going through her contact's stories but, curiosity got the better of her. With one click, the usual pang of envy hit home, refreshing her scar of guilt. She had made peace with the fact that her 'usual' day was non-existent, in fact despised by her age group. She scrolled on, looking for any that had updates from the 'Class reunion'.

"Awww", she cried, "cuties"

A selfie of Elise and Garf, cheek-to-cheek with scrunched up noses made her light up. She loved them both, as much as they did back. Elise had attended the reunion, along with Garf.
According to her, the turn up was good and very interesting. She had wished Natalie had agreed to come.

"By the way your guy showed up." Elise texted, "Here, take a look."

Natalie hesitated for a minute before opening the image.
The pic had three people in it, to the right was Illai, Garf was in the center and to the left was "her guy."
She hadn't intended to stare for how long she did actually stare. God did she stare!

When she zoomed in, she got a clearer view of his face. His smile, the way his tooth gap showed at the right corner of his smile, she wanted to frame him so bad. She couldn't stop thinking of how that moment came to be and how his eyes seemed to be addressing her soul.

As she lay on her pillow, still staring, she hated this feeling that she could only get a pic of him for herself. She suppressed it hard until her eyes became teary. She bit into her wet pillow and screamed in it, becoming breathless.

Was the universe really that cruel to her? Was this cycle never going to end?

All she has ever wanted was this man staring back at her, giving proof that he could be the happiest without her. She inhaled and breathed out the most painful sigh from her lungs. Natalie shut her phone and lay in silence.

Of all nights, these nights crushed her the most.

🌷🌷🌷