Dainty and Dauntless

A familiar feeling:

A feeling that one has seen, lived, experienced and emotionally witnessed a present situation in the past. Your smile, those eyes, smooth skin spread across your body, the undeniable pull. I feel you, and I am drawn to you. I must know you from a beautiful past.

🦋🦋🦋

"What do you want, Ethan?"

The question had been on her mind all evening. Blurting it out came with huge relief. She had asked and she wanted an answer. She demanded an explanation.
More than three years later and the drama just kept going. This is why she hated drama, avoided it in every way possible, and this is why she hated everything about all those years back. She had hoped both of them to have a mutual agreement on that. It seemed quite the opposite for Ethan. He smiled, in love with the scene.

"Can I join the game?"

Natalie couldn't find him more triggering. She stared back at him, and at that moment she really couldn't tell the difference between now and high school.
The smile, That same old smile. It made her stomach sink and her heart beat faster. She loathed it so bad. It wasn't supposed to be like this, not again.It was them two, back in their world. She had missed it as much as she had missed him, his presence. And yet again, no one except them would have any idea what was going on.
She knew he intended everything he did. She was aware of his actions just as much as he was of hers, but why did he always deny.

Ethan sat down, smiled at everyone then turned to Natalie and smirked. Was this a challenge? If Ethan wanted to know if she was a chicken, Natalie was going to prove to him that she doesn't cluck, not now or later. So, they played the game.

Ethan was like a jester, cracking jokes endlessly. As much as she tried to hide it, she liked the jokes too. A smile creeped up to her face and before she realized, she gave out a laugh. She froze and as she tried to keep it together, he turned and looked at her. The smile on his face shocked her tremendously. This Ethan wasn't "The Ethan Valer" in that moment. He had been stripped of his conceited personality. She had never met this human before, only in her unreleased series she had created, directed and shoved away at the back of her memories. He was stunning.
Embarrassment crept up to her cheeks. Her brain wasn't thinking the right thoughts at the moment. Yet, it felt so right. She marveled at her private thoughts.

"You're smiling, that's really nice." Ethan's voice was low and content.

Everything went numb. Her brain had sealed off. He had never commented warmly to her. Natalie couldn't tell if he was being honest or just messing with her, but his eyes glimmered in a way she had always dreamed of. They were more beautiful than what she had imagined.
She hadn't been ready for this. Was she floating? She couldn't tell.
The impact had her breathless and yet the serenity was endless. Her heart stopped, then pounded once more.
Had it all been for nothing? Three whole years, for heaven's sake! All the tears, every drop for this. She hated herself, her heart along with the pain. Her lips got ready to say it again.
With tears rolling down her cheeks, she whispered, and he missed it.
I hate you Ethan Valer.

...

The time after all that had happened
All I did was lay in bed and cry
But after one year I started to move on
And after two I felt alright
Then three years in you were off my mind
In this month and the last, I was living my life
I was better and didn't have to try
Not to think of you
Until you reached out and I
Remembered that time
...

She bolted out the door and headed for the street. She didn't want him to see her like this. She was supposed to be a new Natalie, stronger and less naive. She had failed terribly.
She had failed to win his heart, and failed at cleansing him from her heart.
If life could be anything, it was useless now. One can't fail at their purpose in life and still have the energy to live that life. It hurt, this time deeply for everything and anything.

Happiness and contentment were feelings so strange to her. Why did she never seem to grasp both at once?

A busy night, painful and confusing. A walk would be great, even if just for a while. She needed to think through all that had happened that evening.
Natalie sniffed and shoved her hands in her jacket. Her steps were slow as she left, and heart heavy.
...

The day after you had reached out
I was broken for the second time around
I prayed on the third day that I would be okay
That I would forget you were ever here
Oh, I don't think you realize
How long I had to fight to be living my life
To be better and didn't have to try
Not to think of you
Until you reached out and I
Remembered that time

🦋🦋🦋