Dainty and Dauntless

Please, un hear me:

It's true I like you, and I love you too. God knows I would fight for you, but I cannot die for you. My life belongs to someone else, along with my heart.

                                        🦋🦋🦋

Illai parked inside the campus gates on a Saturday evening at 8 pm, and gave Natalie a call seconds later.
Exhaustion was evident in his eyes, but the smile on his face concealed it well, that and more of his uneasiness. The journey had been tiring and draining. The heat had been unbearable and the hunger, too demanding.
He had given himself a few times to slow down and think through it all, get himself together and summon the energy to keep his foot on the gas. He was too tired to not give Natalie a hug if he saw her.
He had made it.

Natalie had hurried off to go find him. When he had called to inform his arrival, she couldn't believe he had made it in such a hurry. The distance was too long for it to be possible.
She dreaded the thought of finding him too spent to even walk. She quickened her paces the more as her brain kept making up ideas that made her heart thump with worry.
In the parking area, her eyes jumped from every black vehicle until she recognized his truck and ran towards it.
The headlights and engine were still on.

As he sat there in silence, head and arms on the steering wheel, he could hear quick steps getting closer. He sat up and caught a glimpse of Natalie making her way to him. His face lit up a bit and a small smile appeared.
She hurriedly opened the door to sit in the passenger's seat, locked the door and quickly turned to him.
"My God, Illai. Are you ok?"
She touched his arm and it felt cold. His eyes too, had dark circles and he looked quite pale.

"Can I hug you? Please, Natalie. Am so tired right now you can't imagine. That would mean everything to me before I let these heavy eyelids fall."
He tried to smile, his sleepy eyes barely open.

"Sure, I would love that too. I just need you to get in the back and I will join you in a while, ok."

She couldn't make him walk all the way back to her room. He was too feeble to move.
She helped him get in the back, turned off the headlights then slightly rolled down the windows, switched off the engine and finally joined him in the back. He was half asleep now.
Natalie carefully sat at one end and tapped his shoulder. He only cooed, so she bent down and whispered in his ear,

"how about that hug?"

Illai rose up slowly and smiled, spreading his arms. Natalie eased herself in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.
He sighed and finally gave in to slumber.
Minutes later, Natalie was seated up, Illai resting his head in her lap, dead asleep.
She slowly played in his hair with her fingers, watching him sleep and couldn't help realizing...tomorrow was inevitable.
...

Ten hours of sleep eased the fatigue and exhaustion from driving for more than twenty four hours.
Lord knows how I had fought to keep awake most of that time.
What was I actually thinking?
I am only human after all, having a limit to capability is a must.
Good news was that I had reached safely, terribly spent to be honest, but I had got a chance to embrace Natalie. It was more exhilarating than I had imagined. In between heavy sleep and happiness, I couldn't wait for tomorrow.
Today was inevitable.

The long, sleepless night was beneficial in a way.
I had opened my eyes to realize I had spent the whole night with Natalie, alone, not intimately, but just the two of us. I only regret not having the chance to talk her to sleep, watch her sleep and get to wake her.
It's a shame I didn't get the chance this morning either. Still, when I did open my eyes she was right besides me, smiling.
It seemed like every time I did lay eyes on her she looked a lot more beautiful, every single time.

I simply can't get enough of her.
How did she get me so good? I will never know.
I literally can't believe her existence. Her beauty is the most mesmerizing thing I believe man will ever witness. The way she smiles makes me jealous. Her silence captivates me as I long to be part of it.
If I am ever lucky enough to marry her, It will take me some time to actually believe it. She, mine? Mine to have and to hold, to love and to protect. What are the odds of that?
I love her, I want her and I can't get enough of her.
How can one be so drunk in love?

I must admit the concern she had for me was presented in a quite brutal way. I had got a scolding from her, her actions were warm and caring while her words were a tad too serious.
"Yes, Natalie, am never being reckless like that ever again," I had tried to calm her nerves. "I am okay now, no need to fret. I am here already"
Then we had something to eat. Thank God, I was starving.
As we ate, I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was off. It seemed each time we fell into silence Natalie looked tensed.
Was she still worried about me from earlier?
When we were done, I let her know I needed to freshen up, and that I was going out for sometime.
"Okay, I will be waiting I guess," she smiled once more and then fell silent.
"I'll be quick, then we shall talk"
She nodded and turned to head back to her room.
I watched her leave as I tried so hard to brush off this feeling. My heart had dropped to my stomach.
What was I worried about?

I am currently seated down with Natalie in her room, my stomach flips as I tell her once more about my feelings for her.
She keeps looking down, not a single word out of her.
I think she isn't taking me serious so I stress more, "Natalie I really do love you, and am serious about pursuing you," she tightens her lips and still says nothing.
I am desperate for a word out of her so I hold her hands, and she finally looks up at me. Her eyes are glassy with tears. I really love this girl.

"I love you. Please say something"

She keeps staring at me, five seconds later she bites her lip and furrows her beautiful eyebrows,

"I love you Illai..."
"...I just can't be with you," and the tears finally run down her cheek.

I place her hands on my cheeks and she gently caresses them. I feel her palm, soft and warm. I melt in its peace as I close my eyes. I can't believe this moment.
Natalie Simmons loves me.
The most beautiful girl in this vast and greedy world loves me.
I smile and I feel the tears sting. They escape and roll down without my consent, but I don't really care.
I open my eyes as I feel her thumb rub them away, and I can't stop crying now.
It hurts that I know who he is, and I know the truth, but I can't stop loving her either way. She loves me, but she loves him more.
He knows, has known, will forever know, but not everyone who sees a diamond wants it.

The tears had washed away most of the pain I was feeling. What they hadn't done is take with them the longing I have for Natalie.
Sitting next to me with swollen eyes and a wet face, she looks divine, and I want in closer.
If this is the only chance I get to be this close to her, alone, I want her. I need her to know.
I call out to her and she raises those enchanting eyes to meet mine that praise and adore her whole being.

I lose it and I meet her lips with mine.

                                          🦋🦋🦋