While We Wonder [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 6

He was stupid enough to start as he did last time, so I got up, pushed him, and went away. I was sick of talking and was sick of him trying to force me into stuff that I didn't want to do.
The next day he came over and got a movie, pizza, chocolates, a pack of tissues, flowers, and a large "I'm sorry" card, I dropped it and I let him in and forgave him, treated him as if nothing happened. By the end of the movie he tried again, so that's when I got furious.
"You get the hell out of here, and never try to contact me and if you say one word I'm going to start shouting and my parents will be down here and I'll tell them everything." I whispered but I sounded dangerous to be around at that time, I don't know why exactly but I just seemed so scary, that he just nodded, grabbed his stuff and went for the door. I never told anybody about what happened. So when he planned with Naomi to come and make things right, I couldn't say no, added to the 'I can't resist him' part. It was after the incident within a month, we spent the day together, and then he did it again, this time I couldn't say no, I tried, but I couldn't, it was long since I last saw him, an there we were at night, by the community pool, doing it on the floor beside the water. I felt pleasure and guilt, pain and happiness. It was one soul, two bodies. But after we were done and I realized what we've done, I couldn't breathe then I started crying really hard and the next thing I remember is that I'm at the drugstore with something over my mouth and nose.
"Calm down, yes, how are you?"
"What happened? Where's____ Tim? Tim," I was confused, my head hurt and I couldn't see well
"Hey, do you take any kind of medications?"
"Umm___ yeah Zoloft"
"Ohh the guy that got you here, he just went to get coffee and said he needed some air"
"Well I'm fine, can I go now?"
"Yeah sure,"
I got up and went looking for Tim, and I couldn't find him anywhere so I just went home. I tried calling, texting, and even swung by his house, but he just disappeared from my life at once, just like that, vanished into thin air. Three months later I saw him at The Groove, so I came up to him,
"Are you mentally ill or something?" I started "Who does that? See I knew you were a player, but at least you could've been decent about it, you are sick. You took what you wanted and walked away, what are you a thief?"
"I couldn't take it anymore" he said calmly, he was facing the ground, he wasn't looking at me
"Couldn't take what?" I was desperate for an answer; I mean if he couldn't take it then, should I commit suicide?
"I hurt you, saw you cry, played, loved, and made love to you, and I could see you get hurt by me and not care but I cannot stand making you physically ill because of me, it was all too much and I figured you were better off without me so I just left"
"And you couldn't, I don't know__ text that?" That was the best I could come up with, honestly I was speechless. "You know what, you maybe think that making me physically ill was the worst you can do to me, but leaving like that, that was the grande finale, wasn't it?" He just gazed "Tim, you need to know something, there are two things that if a girl loses, she can't get back, her virginity and her dignity."
"I don't understand" he looked confused
"If a girl loses virginity or dignity, she's lost them forever, and there's no way she can get them back___ I lost one to you, and I'm not giving up on the second."
"I messed up," he said
"That's an understatement"
"You know, Tim I already got over you, but I didn't get over one thing, one simple question, if you answer that, I'm satisfied and I forgive you, if you don't, I'll answer for you, and you won't get over yourself, at least not today."
"I'll answer, I promise"
"Why me? I was your best friend and the closest anyone can be, I stood by you no matter what, so why risk it or even lose it, why play with me? Why hurt me out of everyone? Why did you hate me that much?" I was calm, surprisingly.
"I never hated you, and it didn't start out as playing, if wanted to hurt you and leave I would've left you to cry the moment you saw me cheating, Alice, I loved you, it's just that you weren't a priority in my life so I gave you up each time and when I got back you were waiting so I thought you'll wait forever, and then I realized you're better off without me and that I don't love you anymore" it was honesty time, no more lies.
"That didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but it's a relief, I needed to hear the truth from you, and only you, so thank you for setting me free of you" then I gave him a smile and turned around to walk away
"Hey, Alice,"
"Yeah__"
"Maybe, someday things will be as they were when we first met."
"Maybe," I gave him one last smile and walked away, back to the table.
"What was that about?" Naomi asked
"Sealing up old files." I smiled again, because finally I was free of his completion.
So, that's my two year old story. Maybe the ending wasn't as I expected or what I wanted it to be two years ago, but I have my happy ending now, and I have life, and I'm going to live it, no matter what the obstacles might be.
So I'm at The Groove and I'm with friends, and we're all happy and talking and laughing and eating and drinking, and I was just happy that everyone was happy, maybe not with their lives, but with this moment, and I hope everyone knows that before things are good they have to be at their worst, that's God testing our faith. So I get up, raise my glass
"Let's make a toast__" I say and everyone raise their glasses
"To living." I say
"To living." They repeat.