While We Wonder [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 4

He pushed me, i hit the wall, then he held my wrists and stuck my arm, it was a hard wall, as i struggled, my arm got hurt badly, the skin just pealed , it burnt and hurt so much, but there was no time for pain, he hit me across the face, so i lost my patience, all this time believe it or not, i was calm, but then i just got outraged, i hit him in the guts with my knee, and i went for the throat then i aim the gun and out of nowhere i pulled the trigger, it shot his chest, on the left side, blood flooded, i dropped the gun, i fell beside Frank, and i put my hand on the wound on his chest, he was already dead, but it didn't hit me then. I can't figure out what i felt then. I can't. I didn't. But I'm trying. I really hope i do. Maybe then i can move on. Maybe then i'd live with what i did. My hand was covered in his blood. I was sitting beside the body, i leaned my back on the wall and just stared. A few minutes later i started to understand what happened. It hit me hard on the head. I looked at my hands, my eyes got wider, my heartbeat got faster and faster by each passing second. There were pieces of a broken mirror on the floor, i don't remember if it broke from the fight or if it was broken since we got there. I didn't really notice. A piece of these broken pieces stood leaning on the wall beside me. I look to the left and i see my reflection, and it's like i don't even recognize myself anymore. I have to admit i always made fun of these who killed for the first time in a movie and then couldn't recognize themselves in the mirror. I always considered it "The Most Unrealistic Cliché" but I didn't see myself in that mirror, i only saw the girl who fought and killed, i didn't see these jewelry-filled hands, i only saw hands covered in her friend's blood. I didn't see those innocent eyes that never failed anyone, i only saw cold-blooded yet paranoid eyes. It was hard to understand. It was a lot to breathe in. And Lucas was waking up.