While We Wonder [#Wattys2015]

Part 4; Lucas

My name's Lucas. Lucas Froid. You probably know who i am, Leena wrote a book about her story and i was mentioned, so you probably know the story. In case you don't here's the thing, everyone thinks i was unconscious when Leena killed Frank in the hut that night, truth is i was awake and i saw it happen, it's just that i'm a very good actor and i know when to close my eyes and when to open them, you might think it was wrong opening my eyes at the moment it happened, but you're wrong, i deserved it. I deserved to see it happen, because he died because of me, i'd been scared, very much, when he beat me up, i decided to watch from there on, i decided it wasn't my fight, it was. I'd been there for a reason and it wasn't watching, if i hadn't been a coward, maybe Franj, my friend, maybe he'd be alive, maybe Leena would be a regular detective, maybe he'd stop drinking so much, maybe he'd be in college, maybe we'd still be friends, maybe i'd have a chance with Leena.
For five years i had a crush on her, not the kind of geek crush to the popular girl, no, it's a crush on her mind, body, soul, beauty, thoughts, personality, and everything. She's not flawless because no one is, but i never knew what her flaws were.
Since the accident, we'd become very close, closer than we were, and the closer we get, the more i love her.
It's my fault Frank died, it's my fault Leena feels guilty, i write this post and i'll tag Leena by the end of it, i don't want you to have nightmares about the incident no more. I don't want you to feel an obligation to make amends, this is my confession, i never did consider social media a way of writing how you feel and the truth because almost everything written on social media is fake and i am not writing a fake status, it's what my conscious believes i shall do, and i have to, one way or another, lose the guilt for being a coward, i hope this doesn't get between our friendship Leena or whatever it is we have. And to Frank's family, i don't know what to say, but i have to try to make amends and even if i fail, i shall continue to try till i die. Forgive me, to all those i've caused suffering. I know it's not enough and a post online will change nothing, but i need and i will change everything, i can't look anyone in the eye anymore and i turn to look at myself in the mirror as another person, one who has changed. I promise myself i won't be a coward anymore.
-Lucas
Tag friends:
👥Leena