DNF - A Formula 1 Story (Lando Norris)

Chapter 31

"If she gives you her heart, don't you break it. Let your arms be a place she feels safe in. She's the best thing that you'll ever have. She'll love you if you love her." - Forest Blakk

Lando

I'm panicking because when I left Portofino two days ago, Bianca and I were okay. She told me she couldn't go with me to the Netherlands GP because she didn't want a media circus, but we were good. Or so I thought. Now I'm not so sure because she's been ignoring me all day long. Purposely declining my calls and ignoring my texts. It's driving me mad because I don't understand what happened in such a short span of time for her to be running from me again even after she told me she wouldn't do it again.

Luckily my stress from Bianca doesn't affect my qualification day too much and I end up getting P4, which isn't great but it's better than I expected. I'm back at my hotel now, eating some dinner and trying to call Bianca yet again with no luck so I decide to try reaching out to her through social media. What I end up finding is a post made by her. There's a carousel of photos; multiple of her and James together in a club, one of her in the back of a cab, and one of her flipping off the camera all while she's wearing a t-shirt with two papayas over her chest. I can't help but feel like this whole post is targeted at me. Is she telling me she's choosing James?! That she'd rather be spending her time with him instead of me.

I dial her again but once again there's no response and I want to break something. My brain immediately goes to the worse case scenario, that she's cheating on me with James.

Me: I know you're with James.
Me: I'm trying really hard not to be crazy right now, but you're making it hard.

I regret sending the messages almost immediately. For whatever reason she's mad and upset with me, and now it's going to be significantly worse by my jealousy. To my surprise she responds almost immediately to that message and I frown.

Babe <3: Relax, it's just James.
Me: Relax? You've been ignoring me all day long and now you're out with your ex fuck buddy and you're telling me to relax?!
Babe <3: I would never cheat on you if that's what you're insinuating is happening right now.
Babe <3: I've never once lied or hidden anything from you in regards to him once we got back together.

I wince as I read her text. Her words cut me where she wanted them to and I immediately feel like such a dick for getting upset with her. But I can't help but be angry that she seems to run to him every time I piss her off.

Me: Then why is he the one you run to immediately when we have problems?
Babe <3: He's one of my best friends Lando and I need him since my other best friends are currently with you.
Me: He's not your friend. He's in love with you.
Babe <3: No he's not.
Me: You must be delusional if you think he's not.
Babe <3: And you must be projecting. Perhaps there are some feelings you've been repressing for Sophie?
Me: Wow.

I'm angry now. With myself for being upset about James. With Bianca for pulling away from me and acting the way she is, although I'm the one instigating it. But I am going crazy, she's making me insane.

Me: How many times do I have to tell you that I never cared about her?! I literally only fucked her because it was something to do but she never meant anything to me.
Me: You and James on the other hand were more than fuck buddies. You just won't admit it.
Babe <3: I don't think you realize how hurtful it is when you say she never meant anything to you and that she was just something to do.
Me: I can't seem to fucking win with you. Tell me what you want me to say. Tell me how to fix whatever is bother you.
Babe <3: I can't tell you because I don't know!
Me: What happened between our last day in Portofino until now? I thought we were okay? 
Babe <3: Sophie sent me audio recordings of you two early this morning...
Babe <3: Even though I told you I would delete anything she sent me and block her after, I didn't. I ended up listening to them all because Sophie made a comment that pissed me off and I needed to know how you were with her.
Me: Fuck! Why didn't you tell me this morning?
Babe <3: Because you needed to focus on qualification and I figured you would be upset with me that I listened to them after I told you I wouldn't.
Me: I'm not upset with you, I'm upset with myself for ever having the recordings in the first place.
Me: I promised myself that I would stop hurting you but I failed yet again. I should have just fucking paid her because then this might have not happened.
Babe <3: Like I said from the beginning, she would have sent them to me regardless. She wants you for herself and she thinks the way to get you is to hurt me enough where I end things with you.
Me: Maybe you should.