Charmer ||Lee Minho / LeeKnow||

Chapter 23- Rian ‼️ TW

||Trigger warning - mention of previous self harm, but not descriptive||

After our little forest escapade we'd made our way back to the picnic area by the lake, content just to settle down under the tree and relax for a while. We'd talked a little about safe topics, such as our likes and dislikes regarding food and musical taste, then she'd asked more about what it was like spending so much time with the boys and our dynamics. I'd been happily telling her about some of our most funny and outrageous times together when I realised she wasn't even listening to me anymore, as she had drifted off to sleep with her head resting in my lap and an arm thrown around my waist.

I smiled down at her, not that she could see it, lightly brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. My eyes travelled over the skin of her arms, catching sight again of those faint silvery scars on her inner bicep. As I looked closer, I could see other faint lines along her skin in various other places and my heart ached more with each one my eyes discovered. Looking at her peacefully sleeping on my lap, it was difficult to comprehend how she could have done this to herself. What must she have been going through to take such drastic measures? What was she hoping to achieve by doing that to herself? I thought to myself, sighing deeply. I couldn't comprehend the potential reasons behind it. She'd mentioned earlier that she had found other ways to deal with her anxiety, instead of hurting herself and I was beyond relieved for that. We'd only known each other for a short period of time at this point, but I already couldn't bear the thought of her causing herself pain. It was bad enough already seeing her suffer from her panic attacks and I felt useless and didn't really know how to help her, if I was honest. I did my best to remember what seemed to work for Dex and offer any support I could, hoping it helped her somehow.

I thought back over the last twenty four hours that we'd spent together and everything that had happened in that time. Wait, it's not even been twenty four hours, has it? What, really? I thought to myself, suddenly shocked at the realisation. It was crazy to think that we had already shared so much together in such a short amount of time; from teasing her in the coffee shop, our first kiss in the alleyway, the panic attacks, the pool, the confrontation with Noah, the confessions and not forgetting the sex. Wow, you've probably shared more with her in less than 24 hours than you have with anyone you've been with before. I looked up and stared across the lake as I let that thought sink in.

My mind wandered back over past flings and relationships, if you could even call them that. Don't get me wrong, just because I was an Idol didn't mean I couldn't have any fun. It just meant that I had to be more discreet about it. There were always ways around the rules and myself and the boys loved to find ways to push against them, when we saw fit. But I had never really been interested in anything long term, hell, not even short term. My previous encounters never lasted more than one of two nights at best and that's how I preferred it. I'd never met anyone that had even made me consider anything otherwise. Until now.

I wasn't the type of person that many people even took the time to try to understand. They formed an idea of me based on a few interactions and usually found me to be distant, weird and even a little mean. At least that's what many people had told me directly or things I'd overheard people telling the other guys or the staff. Fine, let them think that. I didn't consider myself to be much of a people person and I had always been quite closed off and kept myself to myself. I found it difficult to express my emotions and what I actually wanted to say, so most of the time I didn't bother to even try. I was really selective about who I decided to spend my time with and form relationships with. I had a few close friends from high school who had been with me through thick and thin and who I could still call upon, even after my life had changed so much. And then there were the guys. I loved them all like family, truly I did. I had a different relationship with each of them and they all filled a part of me that was missing. But out of all of them, I was undoubtedly closest to Dex.