billie eilish mental health imagines

"i'm exhausted miss o'connell" ⚠️

i could feel my leg beginning to bounce against the floor as i tried my best to keep my focus on the work that i had set in-front of me.

it was no secret to anyone that i struggled with school and had, almost daily, breakdowns over the littlest things when i was struggling.

today was one of the worst days of the week for me as every single lessons that i had on a tuesday, was with a teacher that hated me.

except from english, that is with miss o'connell and she understands that i'm not always able to participate and that i struggle to regulate myself.

thankfully i have made it to english and i thought that i'd be able to be myself, however, i feel really anxious for some reason.

"are you okay y/n?" someone questioned from next to me, causing me to jump.

instantly i attempted to keep myself grounded, focusing on the owner of the voice to remind myself that i wasn't going insane.

my breathing quickened as i began to tap on the table, my feet bouncing rapidly as i felt tears beginning to fill my eyes.

to anyone else, my reaction probably seemed dramatic or stupid but, to me, it was entirely logically.

once i gained the courage to, i lifted my hand, hoping that miss would notice me and allow me to leave.

however i wasn't in luck, she was busy helping another student and i couldn't sit in the classroom any longer so i allowed myself to leave.

i ran towards the bathroom and shut myself in before i fell towards the ground, collapsing in a ball of panic and fear.

"come on, come on." i muttered under my breath, my hands hitting my chest rapidly.

my chest refused to let any air into my lungs as i continued to beg for my body to just let me breathe.

you know what you can do...

i tried my best to shake that thought from my head as i didn't want to resort to hurting myself when i didn't need to.

but you do...
it's the only thing that's going to help.

my hands scrambled to pull off my shoe and remove the blade from it's sole as i struggled to get myself to even take some shallow breaths.

i gripped tightly onto the shiny metal as i rapidly dragged it across my arm in the hopes that it would almost drain the anxiety from my body.

but, by the time i was done, the anxiety was only replaced by this deep rooted guilt that made me feel much worse.

i grasped the blade in my hand as i felt it beginning to pierce my skin, forcing me to race to open the door and leave the bathroom before anyone noticed that i was gone.

you really think that anyone's going to notice?
no one would care.
they want you gone.

maybe i should leave?

i really don't think that i can manage anymore lessons today.

you should.
just leave.
see how long it takes for anyone to notice.

i gripped tightly onto my sleeves as i raced down the halls, in the hopes that i would be able to get out of school before anyone noticed that i was gone.

however, as i was reaching the doors, i heard the sound of someone's heels following closing behind me which only made me want to run more.

i had to get out, i couldn't stay here any longer.

run.
get out of there.
now!

"y/n wait!" i heard miss o'connell's unmistakable voice call after me.

but i was all ready running, out of the doors and as far away as i could possibly get from this place.

my hand began to physically ache with every step that i took but i had to keep pushing, tightening my grip every few seconds.

"y/n! please!" she called as my pace quickened.

i continued to run, my feet hitting the ground rapidly as i gripped even harder onto my sleeves to stop them from making my arms sting.

however my hand was now in unbearable discomfort which made it even harder for me to focus on the task at hand.

i knew that i had to make a choice whether i was going to try and get as far away as possible or just head home like nothing ever happened.

the further i tried to run, the more light headed i found myself becoming until, eventually, i was just far too exhausted to keep running.

within seconds i collapse on the floor, the pain in my hand eventually taking control over my body as i let out a cry.

"y/n!" i heard someone shout.

i pushed myself up against the wall, hoping that if i hid myself away then i would feel safe enough.

my thought process was most definitely confusing as i didn't understand exactly what i was doing or the reasons why i was.

it was strange.

almost as though this hazy cloud was controlling my every move.

my shaking hand gripped tightly onto the blade as the voices screamed at me to put it against my wrist for just 'one more time'.

but, within seconds, someone's hand covered my arm as i began to lower the blade towards my skin.

"look at me sweetheart." i heard her voice say softly.

slowly my eyes lifted from their previous view and moved so that our eyes were now level, fear evident in my stare.

"i've got you now, you're safe with me." she whispered.

i could feel the tears threatening to spill from my eyes, yet all i could do was stare at miss o'connell.

deep down inside me, i hoped that she would be able to see me begging for her to help me and stop all of the pain that was forcing me into this way of thinking.

although i knew that she couldn't.

"i really can't do this anymore." i muttered to myself as i dropped my head in shame.

instantly her hand came to lift up my chin, forcing me to look up at and take some pride in the moment.

"i'm not going to let you go y/n. you're story's not over yet, a new chapter is only just beginning." she told me.

i felt my hand loosen its grip on the sharp object as my arms wrapped tightly around miss o'connell's body as i finally felt safe after so long.

within seconds i felt her arms wrap around my now shaking body, the warmth of the hug allowing me to let my body relax.

"i'm so sorry. i'm exhausted miss o'connell!" i cried.

she did say anything, instead she began to rock as from side to side as she held me close.

maybe life wasn't going to be so bad after all?

maybe miss o'connell is my reason to stay?

_______
a/n:

i know this really isn't great but it's been sitting in my drafts for a while and i have nothing else to give you so, here it is.

kinda tempted to make this into an actual book...or maybe something similar?

would anyone want to read that because i genuinely have so many ideas of how that could go?