The Lotus's Flame

Kaitlyn Part 1

Kaitlyn sat on the front porch of her parents' two-story home. Her thoughts danced as the wind blew through her chestnut-colored hair. She could hear the chirping of sparrows and robins as the breeze stirred the leaves in the trees around her home. The sun shone earnestly today; the sky was the palest of blues. Kaitlyn thought that should have been enough to make her day brighter, but it was not. It was an exceptionally long morning at the diner she had worked at for the last three years. Her boss was exceedingly kind when she told her she would miss her when she left for college. Kaitlyn hated goodbyes, and everyone there made it so hard with their hugs and tears, but she knew she could not let that stop her from leaving. Kaitlyn let these thoughts fly away with the wind that blew steadily. Her thoughts then drifted back to her childhood. She remembered how she used to swing back and forth on the porch swing, wishing the wind would blow her far away from her parents' watchful eyes; they seemed to be judging her.

Kaitlyn envied the wind and its freedom to blow wherever it pleased. As a child, she wondered if she would ever be as accessible. She also remembered how cruel her father had been to her over the past nineteen years. Kaitlyn remembered one time that would constantly torture her memories.

Kaitlyn had just turned sixteen. Her neighbor's son had asked her to sit and talk with him on the family bench. They were talking when her father stormed up on them with fire in his cruel eyes. He shouted at the boy, sending him home. The very moment he disappeared from view, her father slapped her across the face. The slap nearly knocked her senseless and stung her like fire. Before she had time to react, her father grabbed her up and called her a whore, telling her to go home and repent her sins. Kaitlyn knew she would never forget that day or the crazy look in his eyes that would haunt her always.

Kaitlyn's thoughts quickly returned to the present as she heard her mother's voice.

"Kaitlyn, come in for dinner."

Kaitlyn's mother was a woman worn down by many years of self-sacrifice. She was starting to show her age by the streaks of silver mixed into her sandy hair. She had tiny little lines around her eyes and mouth. As she looked into her mother's lifeless pale green eyes, she wondered if there had ever been even a moment of true happiness for her in her life as her father's wife. She knew how strict and even a bit cruel her father was to herself and her mother. Once again, her memory roamed back to another time.

Kaitlyn's mother missed church due to the flu. Her father grabbed her mother from their bed by her hair, shouting that she was going to burn in hell for deserting God on his special day. He removed his belt and struck her repeatedly with it as he made her pray for forgiveness.

In this memory, Kaitlyn felt great pity for her mother because she had put up with this for so long. Even at the young age of seven, she knew her parents had no real love between them. Perhaps that was why her mother never really showed her any love or kindness, and her father always treated her more like a possession than his daughter, a pupil to test the word of God on.

"Kaitlyn," her father's voice boomed.

Kaitlyn's thoughts must have strayed again. "Yes, Father, Sorry I was thinking," was her shaky reply. Her father shot daggers in her direction. His eyes could be so cruel and dark. His face was drawn tight, and he frowned as usual when he was near her as if he hated her.

"We were about to say grace, show some respect for the Lord in this house, and get your head out of the clouds," her father shouted, his cold eyes darkly evil.

Kaitlyn's father took his duty as town minister a little too far, especially with her and her mother. He thought he was God, considering himself beyond reproach and without sin. Kaitlyn sat through grace, enduring dinner quietly as expected while mentally praying for this night to end. Tomorrow, she will be off to the University of California. She had saved her allowance for almost six years and her tips and checks from the diner just to be able to go. She was thrilled she would be over a thousand miles away from the suffocating presence of this house and her father, away from a mother who never seemed to care at all. The words freedom rang in her ears. She would be as free as the wind as she always wanted tomorrow. Kaitlyn's thoughts made dinner go so fast that she was stunned when her father grabbed her arm roughly, yelling for her to clear the dishes and go to bed. She nearly cried at how hard he grabbed her arm; it would no doubt be bruised by morning; she ignored the pain and did as he demanded.

Every dish in the house was washed, and the tables were clean when Kaitlyn climbed the stairs to her bedroom. She grabbed her flannel nightgown from her dresser drawer, threw it on her bed, and undressed. She walked from her bed to her bathroom and turned the water on. She could hardly wait to soak in the hot water and forget the stress of dinner and her father's violent behavior. Once she adjusted the water to her liking, she stepped into the tub; the hot water felt like heaven. She sat down, and the water reached just below her breasts. She laid her head back against the base of the porcelain tub, thinking of tomorrow and wishing it was already here.

After her long bath, Kaitlyn dried her hair and body with a towel and dressed in her nightgown. She walked to her bed, more than ready to sleep, before catching her early flight to California. As she lay on her bed, she was too busy thinking of tomorrow to let her fall asleep. She looked around at her bedroom, her only sanctuary away from her parents for nineteen years. She wondered if she would miss it as her eyes scanned the walls of gold and red, the matching curtains and dressers. She smiled, knowing that, in truth, she would not; this place was nothing but a dungeon. She would finally be breaking away from this place and the pressures of being a minister's daughter. In her heart, she knew she would never come back to Druid Hills, Georgia, ever again.