The Lotus's Flame

Bailey Part 8

   Bailey was still frozen in shock as she watched Kaitlyn and Jax walk over to his bed, hand in hand. Kaitlyn's hurtful, angry words wounded her to the core. She knew her lifestyle was questionable but sought someone special to love and care for her. The night she slept with Jax, she thought he could be that man. The one that would love her, as always, she was wrong. The morning after they had sex, she woke up to an empty bed and an empty soul. Seeing Jax's obvious deep attraction and gentleness with Kaitlyn caused a sharp stab of jealousy to pierce her heart. How dare he act as if he had feelings for Kaitlyn after he slept with her only three weeks ago. How dare he give her the attention she so desperately craved. No, she said silently; she cared far too much for Kaitlyn to be like this. She refused to allow some man to ruin their friendship. She was a fool to expect more from Jax since he had been sleeping with Jewl and never committed to her.

Jax and Kaitlyn reached his bed. He let go of her hand, and she slowly sat down on the edge of it. She looked up at him with uncertainty in her eyes. Jax unfastened the metallic black buttons on his shirt. Her now curious eyes watched in awe as he let it drop to the floor; they lingered on his mighty shoulder muscles, and a raw hunger crept inside her. She thought, perhaps even secretly hoped, that he had changed his mind and was planning to seduce her here and now. She knew deep inside of her, feared it even that she would give into him. She would let him take total control over her body. Her mind eased when he made no motion towards her. She thought perhaps she wouldn't have to find out what she would or wouldn't do, that he was trying to get comfortable.

Kaitlyn's eyes roamed from Jax's face to his bared chest; his muscular yet lean body was stunning. The tattoos on his upper arms seemed like they had always been there. Her father always told her they were a mark of the devil, a sin of the flesh. She thought that perhaps he was right. Perhaps, Jax, was the Devil himself sent here to destroy all that was pure inside her. She still burned inside to touch his bare skin, taste of his body with her lips and tongue. She was wicked if this was a sin because it felt so good and right. Her eyes washed over his tattoos again, thinking the black spider trapped inside its web was precisely how she was now. She was trapped in a web of raw desire that threatened to change all she ever was.

Jax could feel Kaitlyn's eyes on him, and he wondered what she was thinking. He knew his thoughts were anything but innocent. Before letting these lustful thoughts take control and keep his promise to behave, he grabbed a half-empty bottle of whiskey and downed it. He needed something to cool his body's raw, wild desires. He hoped the whiskey would help to numb them, help him regain some control before he let his raging lust take over. He watched Kaitlyn's eyes raking over his many tattoos. He saw raw hunger in the depths of those grey eyes, and he nearly reached for her and said to hell with restraint. He wanted to brand her his here and now and be damned with the consequences.

Kaitlyn watched in awe when Jax started drinking the whiskey like a glass of cold water on a hot day. She noticed he was just as nervous as she was. She almost asked him to get her some to calm her rattled nerves but decided it would be wrong. After long moments, he finally came around the bed and sat beside her. Their eyes instantly locked as if they were trying to investigate one another's very soul.

Jax wanted to tell Kaitlyn his deepest feelings and how he had become more and more tormented in the past year. He longed for something or someone as pure as her to come into his life. He longed to find someone to save him from despair and endless misery. He wanted to tell her how he was not sure why, but he felt that he needed to tell her everything about himself. He wanted her to know his deepest fears and desires, even his demons. He decided to do it and tell her.

"I guess I should just start with my childhood. After all, that is what my old shrink would say. I was never what you call popular when I was a young teen. Kaitlyn, believe it or not, I was awkward and shy like you are now. I grew up with deeply religious parents, and many made fun of my views on life and death. If it had not been for music, I would have gone down a more destructive path than this one. My mother was likely the only person who knew me and understood my ambitions and dreams. I think her death will haunt me for my entire life. She died along with my father in a car crash when I was sixteen. In some twisted way, I suppose her death is what brought me here," Jax confessed, tears filling his eyes.