The Lotus's Flame

Jax Part 5

Once again, Jax woke up in his hotel room from a wild night of partying with his bandmates. Last night, there had been quite a few different drugs present. There were substances like cocaine, heroin, smoke, and every kind of whiskey known to man. He could not remember what he consumed or from whom he had gotten it. He could remember one thing, and that was the two women lying naked beside him. He could remember exactly what the three of them had done. He could remember walking them over to his bed to ravish them. He could remember the taste of their bodies.

Jax sat up in bed and lit a cigarette to remember the night. He and his bandmates had just finished a great show and wanted to celebrate.

Jax polished off a whiskey bottle when he spotted Jewel walking in his direction. She stalked across the room, hips swinging seductively until she reached him. Feeling pumped up from the show, Jax noticed her and her tempting presence. Jewel always had a sexual energy that knocked a man on his ass. She wore a slinky, skintight mini dress that barely reached her thighs. Her red hair was twisted up and knotted up like little snake-like ringlets. Her lips were bright red with lipstick. The color gave her full lips a sassy look that set his cock ablaze. His eyes slowly raked across her entire body, all the way to her tempting thighs. He looked back up into her eyes, which burned with lust and passion. Jewel slyly slipped a bag of cocaine into his pants pocket and smiled seductively at him. In her usual husky voice, she said.

"I got a present for you, Jax. Do you want it, Baby?"

Jax's gaze slowly followed her to where a woman stood. The woman had blue eyes, long legs, and full pouting lips. She, too, wore a tiny dress that barely covered her round, firm ass. She introduced herself as Legs. Jax could not keep a smile from curving across his lips because he was hot-blooded. He knew he would be having a long, exciting night with them. The next thing Jax knew, the cocaine was gone, and the three of them were on their way to his bed.

Once she reached the bed, Jewl slid her dress down her body and threw it on the floor. Legs followed her lead, discarding her dress and letting it fall to the bed. As her dress hit the floor, Jax looked at her petite yet perky breasts. Her nipples were two stiff peaks of raw desire, so light a color of pink he found himself standing in front of her to taste them. He lowered his hot, wet lips to her tender nipples. He suckled them, letting his tongue caress them until she moaned in pleasure.

As Jax suckled Leg's breasts, Jewl slowly unbuttoned his pants and slid them down his muscular legs. Instantly, her tempting lips pressed against the inside of his thighs. He groaned hoarsely against Leg's breasts; everything went fast from there; it was all kind of a blur to him.

Jax struggled to remember it all until it all returned to him.

He grabbed Jewel up and threw her onto his bed, then spread her thighs with his knees and drove his cock rough and deep inside her body. She came fast and hard as she always did, and then, without a second thought, Jax drove his shaft swiftly into Leg's moist, welcoming sheath. She whispered sweet nothings in his ear as they reached total bliss.

Suddenly, Jax felt sick; he stood up quickly and dressed. He strode from the hotel room back onto the tour bus. It was coming again, this feeling of complete and utter despair. This sense of self-destruction, which consumed his soul, was driving him further and further from the world every day. He couldn't take it any longer, and he began to scream and shout, to pound his fists into the wall of the bus. Out loud but to himself, he screamed.

"When is this going to end, this self-destructive force that drives me to madness."

He would have kept silent if Jax had known his bandmates were listening. Nick and the others stood silently, stunned by his words and outburst. They stared for the longest time until Nick finally spoke.

"Hey Jax, you're all right, man. Talk to me, what's on your mind?"

Hearing Nick's words of concern, Jax turned to see the questioning eyes of all his bandmates. A considerable lump rose inside his throat. Here was his chance to tell them all the truth, to say to them how this lifestyle was driving him insane, but the words would not come out; they were lodged in his throat. He heard himself lie instead of telling them the truth. He heard himself say.

"Do not worry about me. I will be fine once we get out of here and back on the road."

Before Nick could question him further, Jax stalked back to his bed on the bus and began to write more lyrics for their future album. He was slightly relieved when Nick and the others did not try to follow him. He looked down at the pencil, the blank paper that shouted for him to write anything. He felt a sudden pressure at this because he was not always as inspired as the others. He could not consistently deliver on demand. He gave up writing any lyrics tonight. He lay back on his bunk and stared at the bus ceiling, letting his thoughts stray back to another time.

Jax was thirteen years old, sitting on his mother's bed, playing guitar while she sang. His mother had the voice of an angel, and her singing always comforted him in times of stress. He longed to hear her sweet voice every day, telling him she was proud of the man he had become. Tears of sadness and bitterness filled his eyes; he knew she would not be proud. His mother had wanted him to pursue his music, but she would have never wanted him to be using drugs and women as he did.

Jax's heavy thoughts were disturbed when Nick knocked at his bed. He sat up in the bed and gave him an impatient look. "What is it, Nick," he asked. He could see by the look in his eyes that he decided to ignore no longer his strange mood swings that seemed to grow worse with each tour they went on.

"Jax, I know you wanted to be left alone, but I am starting to fear that you are considering leaving the band. If that happens, the band would be screwed. We both know you are the soul of this band. The glue that holds us all together. Without you, the band would be no more," Nick sighed.

Jax knew Nick thought he must find a way to pull him out of this funk he seemed to sink further into each passing day. It was the only chance to save the band and their friendship. He wanted to reassure Nick that he had nothing to worry about, yet when Jax tried to speak, he could not find the right words.

"Jax, man, please, say something, hell, anything," Nick begged.

"It feels like we become more like strangers to one another with each passing day. With all these thoughts, I could not sleep, bro."

Jax sighed as his eyes locked with Nick's again, and he finally answered.

"I have no intentions of leaving the band, not ever. Look, Nick, you and the others are like brothers to me. This band is my only family. I know I have not been myself, and it worries you all. I only ask for time and patience, man. I have all these thoughts in my head that I cannot get out onto paper. It is just, Fuck. Please stop worrying about it. I will be all right."

Nick shook his head as if he did not believe him, then he turned and left Jax alone on his bunk. Jax did not care if he did not buy his words; he was glad to be alone again. He closed his eyes, pushing all his questions and unspoken truths out of his head. He was not lying down long when he slipped into a deep sleep. As he slept, he drifted into the dream world, into a dream that seemed to lift his spirits.

A bright light surrounded Jax, closing his eyes to anything else that may have been here with him. A slow, calm wind began to blow. He could feel the coolness of it on his face, making his skin tingle. His nostrils flared as they caught the scent of almonds mixed with a woman's perfume. This new presence he felt caused him to feel peace, a feeling he had not felt in years. He longed to hold this presence, to hold on to it forever. Just as he tried to reach out and touch it, he felt a woman's soft, trembling hand caress his bare chest. Her touch sent bolts of lightning all through his body. He knew this was the something pure and genuine he so desperately craved. Before he could pull her to him in an embrace, he was awakened by his bandmates.

All Jax could do was grind his teeth and let out a silent curse. "Damn it," he repeated to himself.

"I was so close."