My Life, My struggles

Chapter 30- Pain and Nightmares

Picture is the new Skyler. Played by Luke Bilyk -A.N.
Chapter 30
(Skylers pov)
Pain. So much pain. I let my walls down for her they were built so high and I thought she was the one. My heart is shattered I love her, I love her so much. That may be hard to believe, some may say I don't know what love is. They're wrong. The look of pity and guilt on her face keeps replaying in my head, I want to think I saw some pain through it. Like it's hurting her at least half as much as it is me. I don't know what to do to get over these emotions I need some kind of release. I'm laying on my bed crying this is how I've been for the past three hours. My mom tried coming to talk to me but I would let her, I lied and said I was fine but my voice cracked so she knows. She also brought me food which I haven't touched, I have no appetite. I keep grabbing my phone typing texts dialing her number but then stop myself she's probably with Ethan. That brings more tears but after another 10 minutes I'm all out of tears. I stand up and go to my bathroom. I open the medicine cabinet and grab some pills for my headache then grab a feel more. I down them with water and then just look at how pathetic I look in the mirror. My hair is a mess, my skin pale, my eyes have bags under them, my lips chapped, of course she would choose him I'm a loser. My eyes start to water and a few tears slip. I quickly wipe them away, I need relief. I open the cabinet again and grab off of the very top shelf hidden behind old pill bottles, my shiny piece of metal, my blade. It's been years since I've used it. After meeting Sam I thought for sure I'd never use it again. I was wrong. I put the cold metal to my arm and slice it a few times then watch the blood seep out onto the tile floor. My stomach starts to churn and I get a little light headed. The truth is I'm not the greatest with blood so I soon find my escape, as blackness overcomes my vision.

When I wake up, I'm no longer in my bathroom, I'm on my bed. My arm is wrapped in bandage. My mom is sitting by my bedside with tears falling down her face. I sit up and go to hug her but I get a little dizzy and she tells me to lay back down. I grab her hand in mine and say, "Mom, please don't cry I'm okay." She thinks otherwise, "Okay?! Skyler I found you passed out on your bathroom floor with quite a bit of blood down your arm and the floor. You are obviously not okay. Tell me what's going on. I thought you were better. I thought this cutting was over. Sweetie, what happened?" I don't say anything I'm trying not to be a big baby and cry. She's just a girl. I try to reason with myself, but it doesn't work. She isn't just some girl, she's smart and beautiful, caring, respectful, down to earth, responsible, goofy, laid back, funny, and just all around perfect, most importantly I love her. My mom has pity in her eyes along with love. That's when I realize I said that all out loud. She smiles sadly, "I knew something happened when Sam ran out crying barley stopping to grab her shoes on the way out. I take it you two are done." I nod, "There's another guy. She chose him." My mom hugs me and says, "Sweetie I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better she seemed pretty hurt from this too, she really cared about you Sklyer, I could see it when she looked at you." I say, "Can I be alone right now, mom?" She seems hesitant and glances at my arm so I say, "I promise, I won't." She nods and kisses my cheek then walks out. I grab my best up acoustic guitar from the corner of my room and a pen and my old song journal. If need a different therapy and music is always there for me so that what I do. Write Sam a song.
That she won't ever hear.

(Sam's pov)
I left Ethan's after we eat dinner much to Ethan's sadness. He wanted me to stay but I needed to get home. So he's drove me home. We're sitting in his car in my driveway. Holding hands, I look at Ethan and he's already looking at me. I say, "Whatcha looking at?" He smiles and says, "The most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'm glad to be able to call her mine." I blush, he gets out and opens my door for me. We walk up to my front door and kiss goodnight, it lasting a little longer than it should of. We're both panting I say, "I should probably get inside." He nods, kisses my forehead, says goodnight, then drives away. I catch my breath and go inside. I see Jason right when I walk in with a big smirk on his face, "Quite some kiss there sis." I just push past him and say, "Shut up." I turn on some music in my room and find myself drifting off, falling asleep.

I wake up because I hear some screaming coming from the guest room. I sit up and look at the clock its 2 am, I get up and go to the guest room and find Nick just in boxers and drenched in sweat. He's thrashing around saying, "No, No, hurt me not him." Along with other things. I walk over to him and shake him saying, "Nick! Nick, wake up." He jolts awake and grabs me by the neck with both hand squeezing a little. I start to gasp for breath, something in him snaps and he lets go, then says, "Oh my god, Sam I'm so sorry are you okay?? I didn't mean to hurt you." He hugs me, I let him even though he's super sweaty. Then after he lets go he moves my hand away that I was rubbing my neck with and inspects it. He says, "I'm really sorry, here let me go get you some ice." I start to say, "No, it's okay. I'm fine-" but he's already gone.

He comes back and hand me an ice pack wrapped in a towel. I say, "Thanks, look ill be fine." He sits next to me looking at me with such concern. I continue, "I came in here because I heard you screaming. You were having a bad dream. I'm here if you wanna talk about it and why you reacted the way you did. It might help." He looks down at his hands, "It's so hard to talk about, overseas changes you. Every little noise affects you. You can't seem to sleep without reliving what you saw or did over there. You live in constant fear of hurting others because that's all you did, kill the bad guys and hurt people. I keep seeing the bodies of my buddies and thinking not a minute sooner and that bomb would of killed me or that shooter would of shot me. I keep living with wonder of why it was them who died and not me." I rub Nick's back and he started crying his sobs are uncontrollable. I just so next to him and let him cry. He needs this, he's been going through so much and there is no doubt he's dealing with PTSD and a lot of other issues. After what seems like a long time, Nick finally stops crying. I've set the ice pack down and he looks up and his eyes instantly go to my neck and he frowns. I get up and look in the mirror you can see faint red marks of his fingers on one side of my neck. He's whispering, "I'm sorry." I walk over to him and put my hands on his shoulders, I'm standing between his legs. He looks up into my eyes, I say, "Nick, listen, I'm fine okay and I'm not upset with you. When this happened you weren't yourself, so dont blame yourself. You thought you were still in your dream and you needed to hurt the bad guy I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, okay so stop beating yourself up over this. It's okay." He nods, a few tears falling down his cheeks. His eyes glance down to my lips and back to my eyes. Crap I need to go but my feet don't seem to be moving. Just then there's a knock on the door and Jason comes in. I quickly jump away. He sees us and he seems a little confused, "Nick? Sam? Um what's going on?" That's when his eyes notice my neck he gets mad, "What the fuck did you do to my sister!!!??" He comes over and moves my hair behind my ear then brushes his finger against the red marks, I flinch. Nick starts to say, "Jase calm down it's not what it looks like, it wasn't my fault." Jase is furious now, he grabs Nick by the arm, "Wasn't your fault how the fuck did that happen then. I told you if you fucking touched her or hurt her you would pay." Then before I could process anything Jason is punching Nick in the face and chest and where ever else. Nick just sits there and takes it. I run over and try to push Jason away and fail but after a few tries I get him far enough away he can't reach Nick who moved. I yell, "Jason stop. I'm fine! Would you just listen for two seconds. You never let anyone explain you just turn to violence. I can protect myself you know I'm not a little girl anymore." Then I storm out to my room and lock my door. I lay on my bed hugging my teddy bear Ethan won me. Jase knocks on my door, "Sam, I'm sorry. Please let me in." I say, "Just go, you've done enough for the night." He stops knocking and I hear him sigh, then silence so I assume he's gone. So I fall back asleep not to long after that.

I wake up and this time the sun is shining through my window and it's about 9:00 in the morning. I throw my glasses on and hair into a messy bun. I look at my neck remembering last night and the marks are fainter but still pretty visible so I put some make up on it and it hides it nicely. I open my door and almost trip over Jason, he's sitting against the wall next to my door sleeping, I guess he never left. I feel bad he slept on the floor but then I see Nick all bruised and blue, and feel a little less bad for him. Nick eyes meet mine he smiles sadly then looks down walking to his room. He had bags under his eyes and he still looked guilty for what happened. I sigh and follow him. He needs to know I'm fine and not to beat himself up. Also how Jase crossed the line. I hear Jase call my name but ignore it and close the door behind me. "Nick it's okay-..

(Nick's pov)
Shit.