My Life, My struggles

Chapter 34- The truth will set you free.

(Sam's pov)
I could tell my smile didn't fool him but he didn't say anything. Thank goodness because I don't know what's going on myself let alone would I be able to tell him. Dinner was amazing and Skyler tried getting me to stay but I said I needed to get home so Skyler drops me off at my house, "I had a great day. I really needed that. Sam thanks for coming over." I smile, "No problem Sky, anytime." I hug him goodnight and head inside then watch him pull away through the window. I've been dreading coming home but I need to get this over with. I walk up the stairs and drop off my stuff in my room and go knock on the Nick's door. I hear a quite come in. I go inside and close the door. I see Nick laying shirtless on his bed with his glasses and a book. He marks his page and puts it on his side table then smiles at me. I blush and look to the floor. He sighs and gets up. I hear some rustling around and then he's next to me. Thankfully he put on a shirt but now he's to close for my comfort. I look up and I start to say something but so does he. I say, "You start." He gently grabs my wrist and pulls me over to sit on his bed. He clears his throat, "I don't know how to start this, so I'm just going to say this. Sam, Jason told me a lot about you and your brothers while over seas and I really wanted to meet you. You sounded like the perfect girl and the way Jason's face lite up every time he'd talk about you guys made me want to be apart of the family. I know you have a boyfriend and I understand you like him a lot but I can't get my mind off of our kiss. We kissed Sam and I won't lie I liked it, I like you." No. No. No. Shit. He can't. We can't. I try and talk, "I...we..Nick.." Sentences just won't form. He shakes his head, "Don't say anything I already figured out you'd want to ignore it. I just wanted you to know how I feel. Just keep it in mind." My head is going in 20 different directions. I get up, "Um I'm going to just go to my room now." I probably look like a lost puppy if someone saw me. I walk quicker than normal to my room but I don't need to run into anyone right now. I sit on the edge of my bed and rest my head in my hands with my arms resting on my knees. Just processing everything. I don't like Nick, yes he's attractive and nice but I don't. I feel bad he has feeling for me, I know how that feels and it really sucks. I can feel my head pounding. I wish I could just talk to someone but I can't because no one can know about this. So I decide to do the next best thing. I grab my guitar off the wall and a pick, then I just let go. I start singing wonder wall by Oasis. Then I sing The Scientist by Coldplay. After that I sing Don't let me Down by the Beatles and Ed Sheeran's songs I see fire, thinking out loud, and give me love. I just couldn't stop singing it felt so good, it's been awhile besides earlier when I was singing with Skyler. I realize I need to stop I'm probably keeping everyone awake. I hang the guitar back up then take out my bun climbing into bed. Im just laying here and scrolling though my phone when I hear a soft knock on my door. I glance at the clock, it's already midnight, "Come in." It's Jase. He sits down on the edge of my bed, "Hey, I heard your singing and playing. I've missed that. What brought that out?" I shrug not really wanting to explain and I actually can't because Jase would freak out about Nick. So I say the next best think and hope he won't pry too much, "Just a lot on my mind. Singing helps me let it out." Jase sighs, "Sam, I was hoping you'd mention it but I guess I have to say something. Nick told me everything, he sucks at lying and I noticed something was off so I asked him. I have his side of things I wanna know how you feel." I take a few breaths, "Well, as you know I went out of my room and saw you sitting by my door I did feel bad but then I saw Nick going back to his room with bruises and bags under his eyes I knew he still felt guilty and I didn't want that so I went to his room and closed the door so you didn't ease drop. I went in there and started to say that's it was okay and I wasn't mad at him or upset but he kisses me after the initial shock I push away. After that I just needed to get out of there, So I go to my room and ignore him calling after me. I went and got pills for my neck and there you were. I didn't wanna talk about what just happened with Nick and that's why I flinched, bad habit I sometimes do when I get nervous. Look, Nick is really attractive and a good guy but I don't have any feeling for him Jase. I have Ethan and I love him. You don't have to worry about anything between us." He sighs, probably in relief, "That's good to hear nothing's going on at least on your side. Nick on the other hand likes you a lot. I don't know if I'm okay with him staying here anymore." I object, "What!? He's your best friend you can't just kick him out." Jase says, "I'm not going to kick him out Sam. We talked and were thinking about getting an apartment together, but you, Jake, Ryan, and mom need me. I can't leave you guys." I shake my head, "Jase, I think you should it would be good for you and Nick. Just find something close and we can have you come over if we need you. We can handle ourselves and we'll take good care of mom." He smiles, "Thanks, Sam. So back to the singing thing are you okay? Was it just the situation with Nick or is there something else on your mind?" I shake my head, "Not really I was just thinking about everything. How far I've come." He smiles, " You have come far and I wish I could've seen it." I hug Jase, he's so selfless and caring.