𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃

01

Song:
chihiro- billie eilish
slowed + reverb

LEENA

I watch as my mom is lowered into the ground. Tears draw a path down my face as I stare ahead. It's too much. It's all too much.

Today's her burial. Her death didn't really hit me until now. Now that she's being buried it hurts more than ever. I didn't think I'd have to witness something so heartbreaking and gut wrenching so early. I didn't think that my mom would leave me so soon.

Why? Why did it have to be this way? If only that stupid drunk hadn't hit her car and sent it pummeling off the side of the road, she would still be here with me. My heart wouldn't feel as if it's been ripped from my very own chest, as if she took it with her and won't give it back. Won't come back.

I wipe my tears as I shift the handle of my umbrella from one hand to the next. I watch as the man takes his shovel and tosses the dirt over her casket in the ground.

It only starts to pour harder as the burial comes to an end. Any onlookers are now gone and my father and I are the only ones left.

As I stare at her grave, I feel his arm snake behind me, his warmth shielding me from the cold I feel within.

"What do we do now?" I slowly turn my head towards him. He's lost in thought for a moment before he answers.

"You'll move in with me. You can start somewhere fresh. It'll get better, Leena. I promise."

I hope so, I really do.

We stay for a while before leaving. I would've stayed longer if not for my dad convincing me that we'd be back in a couple of weeks to visit again.

***

After packing my bags, I make my way back to his vehicle. I take extra long. It's the last time I'll really be in this house.

Every corner and every room of this house is filled with her. Every second longer that I spend here makes the feeling in my heart worse.

As I make my way downstairs, I think of all the memories that this place holds. I don't want to leave. I really, really don't. In fact, I want to cry and cry and cry until I no longer have the energy. But that's not what my mom would have wanted.

As I pass the kitchen, I imagine her baking cookies while lecturing me and telling me repeatedly not to eat the cookie dough. I let out a small smile at the memory as I walk to the front door.

To be honest, I'm scared of moving. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I've never moved before, and moving to a completely new place doesn't really sound like my cup of tea. Dad says I'll make friends but I haven't even made any friends during my life here.

It's not that I would mind having any, it's just that I'm not specialized in that department. I think I've just accepted that I'm not good with people. Who knows, maybe that might change.

I toss my bags into the trunk and I walk to the passenger seat. After shutting the car door behind me and putting on my seat belt, I glance over to my dad who gives me a small smile before he starts up the car.

The drive is fairly quiet. Almost too quiet. So instead of sitting in the silence, I decide to turn on the radio. A song that I recognize by Billie Eilish begins to play.

The music plays in the background and fills up the silence of the car as I stare out the window. On a regular day I'd be overjoyed to hear her on the radio but I just can't seem to feel happy right now. I really hope that my dad is right, that things will get better.

"We'll be there in fifteen minutes," dad says as we stop at a red light.

I nod. I don't even have the energy to speak right now. Maybe it's the fact that it's raining. I don't know, today just feels so depressing. It's sucking the life out of me.

Fifteen minutes go by and soon we're pulling into a driveway. The house looks like something out of a dream. Not even a dream, a fantasy. It's about two floors, has white exterior walls, a bunch of pillars, and plenty of flowers surrounding it. I knew my dad made money but I wasn't aware of how he decided to put his money to use.

"You live here?" I gape at the house in awe. I shut the car door behind me as I continue to stare at the house in front of us.

"Yeah. Why else would we be here?" He chuckles as he grabs my bags from the trunk.

I follow him into the house. It looked even better on the inside. For a small moment I'm distracted and captivated by the beautiful interior of the house.

Mom and I lived in a small townhouse in a crowded neighborhood that seemed more overpopulated than the planet itself. This was a change. A change that I'm not sure I could get used to, but I'd try.

He leads me to the room I'll be sleeping in. As I enter, I see a large bed with white bedsheets that's sitting in the center against the wall to my left. Tons of silk pillows sit atop of it and on either side of the bed are two nightstands.

Next to the bed is a fireplace with a mirror on the wall above it. Unlit candles litter the top of the fireplace along with other small decorations. In one corner of the room there's even a small sitting area, and next to that is a desk. Two doors on either side of the room lead into what seems to be the bathroom and walk in closet.

"That's your bathroom." My dad points to the door to the right. I nod as I admire my new bedroom. "And that's your closet." He points to the other door to the left.

"When will I be starting school?"

"Whenever you're ready. I know things are tough for you right now. If you're okay with it, you can start next week." He stares at me as he gives me a reassuring smile.

"Of course," I force a smile onto my face for the sake of my dad.

Although him and my mom weren't close, he still was a good dad to me. He visited often and made sure I was okay. And for that, I'm thankful for him.

He nods and quietly exits the room to give me space. After I hear the soft click of the door shutting, I get to unpacking so that I can get in bed as soon as possible. The idea of sleep sounds amazing right about now.

My thoughts are filled with the idea of having to attend school next week. I've never been a new kid. The thought of being in a different environment makes me want to find the nearest bush and hurl.

I think I'll just stick to myself. I don't need attention and I definitely don't need friends.

After taking a shower and throwing on some comfortable clothes, I crawl under the warm covers. It takes me a good minute to get into a comfortable position before my eyelids begin to grow heavy and the thought of staying awake any longer makes me want to pass out.

And just like that, I'm falling into the depths of sleep.