𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃

27

Song:
when the party's over- billie eilish
slowed + reverb

ANGEL

She probably hates me.

The words I had spoken just moments ago echo in my mind as I make my way toward my house.

"Stop putting in so much effort for me. I don't want it, and I don't need it."

It was a lie. Of course I wanted her to put in effort for me, but I had to push her away. There were so many reasons why I was undeserving of her, yet she still chose to run after me, to care about me.

And then to make it worse, I almost said the words that would have changed everything for good. 

I had momentarily forgotten my place. For a brief instant, I let myself forget that everything was still my fault-that I was to blame for what happened that day. It was because of me that my dad ended up the way he was.

Happiness was something that I refused to grasp, and I knew that she could give it to me.

That kiss. God, that kiss. Her lips. Everything about her consumed me, making me want to drop to my knees and offer her every part of myself, everything I had to give.

But I couldn't.

That kiss was the breaking point, the moment that stripped away all my defenses and forced me to confront the truth I had been so desperately trying to avoid.

For days, I had pushed it aside, burying it beneath excuses and distractions, pretending it didn't exist. But in that instant, with her lips on mine, the truth I had been running from was undeniable, blazing in my mind and heart with a clarity I could no longer ignore.

I'm in love with Leena Nightingale.

It had only been two months and I was so in love with her, so infatuated with her, that it was beginning to hurt too much. She gave me every reason to feel this way. She was there to comfort me, to hold me, to make me feel for a split second that it wasn't my fault.

And if it weren't for me catching myself, I would have said it to her.

She was a constant presence in my mind, a prisoner who refused to leave the confines of my thoughts. Not a single day passed when she wasn't there, weighing on my heart, making it feel impossibly heavy-like it could sink to the depths of an endless sea. My feelings for her ran deeper than I could ever admit, and that kiss was the final confirmation, the seal on a love I could no longer deny.

That was the problem-I had no right to feel that way about her. She was priceless, worth more than rubies, diamonds, or gold could ever measure.

Her love was a treasure far beyond my reach, something I could never afford. I was nothing more than a pauper, and she was a princess, untouchable and far above the life I could offer.

I didn't deserve her, which was why I pushed her away. She deserved better.

She deserved more than the endless evasion, the perpetual confusion, and the ceaseless miscommunication.

I unlock the front door, pushing my way into the quiet house.

Ever since dad apologized, it's like he's become a completely different person. He's hardly ever home now, always on the move-working out at the gym, taking on extra hours at his job, running errands, and even doing the grocery shopping himself.

It's as though something inside him finally clicked, sparking a drive I hadn't seen in a year.

For so long, he seemed stuck, consumed by his grief, letting it weigh him down and steer his life into a downward spiral. But now, for reasons I don't entirely understand, he's determined to turn things around, to stop mourning what he's lost and start rebuilding what's left. It's strange, but it's also the most hopeful I've felt in a long time.