Invisible Strings of Harmonies (EQUINOX SERIES #1)

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 9

Dahil sa mga sinabi ko ay parang nabuhayan si mama. The next day, I found her cooking something in the kitchen. Bago iyon dahil simula nang mawalan si papa ay kinailangan ko nang gumising ng maaga para magluto at maghanda sa pagpasok ko. Nag-a-alarm na rin ako dahil wala naman gigising sa’kin. Mama is still unstable and I am giving her time to recover.

I constantly find her inside their room, looking at our photo album. Halos ayaw niya na ‘yong bitawan at kahit sa pagtulog ay yakap-yakap niya iyon. I understand her situation right now. I actually feel bad about my outburst. Hindi ko lang talaga napigilan ang sarili ko. Patong-patong ang mga problema na hindi ko na alam kung malulusutan ko pa ba. It was wrong to burst all my frustrations towards mama. She feels terrible as I am. Or much more.

Papa is her soul mate. . . her other half. I am the living witness of their love for each other. Nasaksihan ko na ito simula ng magka-isip ako sa mundong ito.

How could a love be so intense that one is willing to follow the other even in the afterlife.

I thought that it would be another day of me, stepping up for this family. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na mahirap din pala ‘yong walang kapatid. Mag-isa kong hinaharap ang responsibilidad.

Akala ko ay masasanay ako sa mga ganitong araw. But this time, I found mama cooking. Lumapit ako at naupo sa round table. Lumingon siya sa’kin at binigyan ako ng tipid na ngiti.

“Good morning, ‘nak. Nagluluto ako ng sopas. Malapit na rin ‘to maluto. Gusto mo ba ng gatas?” Nawala ito sa tabi ng kalan at nakita ko siyang kumuha ng tasa at kutsara. “Ipagtitimpla kita. . .”

She was about to put the powdered milk inside the cup but I stopped her. “Ako na po, mama.”

Natigilan siya pero hinayaan niya rin ako. “Sige, balikan ko lang ‘yong niluluto ko.”

Habang nakatalikod siya sa’kin ay ramdam ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam na naiilang kami sa isa’t-isa. We are so open with each other before. Lahat ng sikreto ko ay alam niya. I was never afraid of telling her everything because I know that she will never judge me. She’s my best friend. She’s my mother and the word judgment doesn’t exist in her vocabulary. Especially when it comes to me. And to see her this hesitant towards me breaks my heart.

Hindi ko na natiis at lumapit na ako sa kanya. Niyakap ko siya mula sa likuran at naramdaman ko ang pagkatigil niya.

“I love you, mama. . .” bulong ko.

Slowly, I felt her relaxed. She held my hand and caressed it with her thumb. Humarap siya sa’kin at sinapo niya ang aking pisngi. Her eyes are glistening with tears.

“I love you, too.” She kissed my forehead. “Sorry, anak ha. . . kung mahina si mama. Sorry kung madali akong sumuko sa’tin. Babawi si mama sa’yo. . .”

I smiled and nodded. “Kaya natin ito, ma.”

She smiled and nodded too.

Life is hard.

Katagang madalas kong marinig noon pa man. Hindi ko iyon masyadong pinagtutuunan ng pansin dati dahil alam ko naman na ito. It was already common to hear it especially when someone is having a hard time dealing with their life. I know how heavy that phrase is, but I didn’t know that it was this heavy.