Protector

chapter 15: struggling II

mourning is like a virus, it spreads between people who haven't even got any connection to the passing of that loved one.

it sounds stupid but let me explain.

when a loved ones dies the people around that loved one mourns but after time they eventually get better, but as they are mourning loads of other are affected by it.

maybe not by the death it's self but the the way people act.

mourning causes a lot of different emotions, brings out a different side of people.

a side they can't really help during that time.

while going through mourning people lose friends, damage relationships, cause affects on other people that they are using as their comfort

of course they don't mean it, their just so caught up in the death of their loved one that they don't realise until it's to late.

like with kai and i.

kai had ,rightly so, gone through mourning the death of her best mate, but during that mourning she affected so many of us with the way she acted, unaware of it during the time.

there was a different side that came out of kai during that period.

a more violent one, never towards me but towards herself and even sometimes towards other people like katie.

you saw all that progress she had made to contain and deal with her anger problems crumble in seconds.

of course she realised after that she had gotten caught up in the moment and apologised for it

i was happy to see her becoming herself, thankful that maybe we were nearing the end of her different side.

it took a lot out of me, seeing her like that, having to deal with her and be as patient as i can.

i was so caught up in trying to look after her that i forgot to look after myself.

everything finally catching up to me now.

that's the side of mourning people don't see or tend to forget...

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i sat there hopelessly as i watched the bomb drop onto the car that kai and alexandra where in

i was watching it as if i was stood in the field, meters away from the car

"kai!" i shouted as i covered my head

i looked back up and saw the car in flames, running over and seeing kai and alexandra stuck in the car

i shot up, out of breath and sweating

"it was just a dream" i tried to convince myself

i looked over at my phone, knowing it was around 1 am in the morning

but that wasn't the reason i was looking at my phone, i was fighting a losing battle in my head, trying to convince myself i didn't need to call kai and make sure she was actually alive.

after all she was alive, wasn't she?

was this all just a big a dream and she had actually died out at war?

i couldn't wait any longer, grabbing my phone and hitting her contact

bringing my phone up to my ear as it rang, no one picked up the first time