Unconditional Events \ Chanlix

We never have it back

I was left in silence as he brought a pack with ice to me and sat around me calmly watching the expressions of mine as I smiled to him.

-U okay?

-I don't know, San, I discovered something I should have known long time ago.

-Is it u family shit?

-Yes.

I said as Woo brought the tea for us smiling sympathetically.

-I have no-one right now and IN is on exams I didn't want to distract him with my shit, u know.

-Yes, sure but feel no pressure from me.

Woo wanted to leave us but I just asked him to stay, he was a very warm person to make him feel bad.

-U can stay, it's an old shit and I kinda regret it but it is what it is.

And here with the whole heart and diligence speech I spilled the tea out as the biggest stone fell of my heart as I just spoke through and through as they allowed me to talk, and we ended up drinking some alcohol together and Woo crying over my love that never happened.

-It's alright, I was little and inexperienced he was afraid to ruin me.

I added as San threw the fist on the table.

-U parents, man.

He tilted his head looking tag the Woo who was hugging me tightly.

-Can we adopt him?

The other said smiling to his boyfriend as I giggled.

-I will be alright, thanks for listening the shit.

-It's alright man, but sheesh it sucks.

San added hitting me on the shoulder lightly.

0U can stay at us now, it's late.

-Thanks.

I said as he guided me through the flat giving the necessary things as I appeared in a small room with large bedroom for guests, perhaps.

I sat on it smiling to myself, I now at least knew the whole truth and there was a chance he loved me at least truly.

The little miserable chance that made this story even more sad.

"Can we talk? Tomorrow come to my place at 6 p.m."

I sent the message to Chan as he responded quite quickly as I smiled to myself falling with my back on the bed as the million of thoughts flew into my head as I fell asleep.

I ended up eating the breakfast with them as I rode back to my place entering the flat as the messages from my mother was coming in, it was the never ending bullshit that I was enough with.

I was tired with doing that thing and I threw the phone on the table ignoring the whole bunch of nice words to my side.

I took shower and ordered some food for myself as I looked into my schedule as I had a fashion week in 7 days and I had to prepare for the schedule.

I was leaving the country in 5 days.

I sat at the table nervously playing with my fingers as I knew eh would come here in several minutes and the door opened as he knew the password from the doors as the light footsteps were heard.

I lowered the head locking the fingers as my both feet engraved inside the floor and I looked into the floor.

-Hey, how are u? I closed the credit, thank you, Felix, u saved my ass, I wil return everything back in some time.

I heard his happy voice as he came closer I heard him taking his shoes off s he moved closer.

-Wanna meet with Han and Changbin, they asked about u, they miss u.

I heard the calm such sweet loving voice of him as he placed something on the table as I still looked down, I could pull myself together, I was o the floor and mentally and physically.

-Are u okay?

He asked as he made a few steps to me closer.

-I am okay, I think.

I said as he stepped closer to me placing something on the chair.

-Felix?

He asked again now bowing just over me.

-I know everything, Chan. Parents told me.

I said and the wave of pain entered my body, it was hard to breathe and I was gulping into the air tightly, I had no panic attacks in 2 years and they came back now.

-What are u talking about?

He asked a is finally rose my head up locking my face to his.

The eyes filled with painful cut met as he read me through and through, he came closer kneeling down in front of me.

-They told u?

-How could u be silent? How could u just me silent man? Not a word? I wasn't worth it?

I cried out with last gulp of air as I felt his touch as he pushed me closer and I fell with my body onto him bumping into his chest.

-I am sorry, u were too much precious to tell, Felix, u are too worth of it to destroy u life with my illusions of love.

-What? U idiot, I loved u!

I pushed him with my fists into the chest as he pressed his body on to mine as I was crying hard in hysterics.

-It's alright, baby.

He caressed my back comforting me.

-I though u were too young and green to decide and I had no power to change anything, it's all me, I am bad Felix.

He said as I gulped harder as I parted looking into his struggling face.

-I am sorry.

He whispered.

-They destroyed my dream to be with u.

I shouted as he suddenly shut me with a kiss, it was painful one and more of a desperate one.

-It will be alright.

-What right? U cheating on u boyfriend and I am third wheeling here like a maniac.

I shouted loudly as tears were uncontrollable and the wet shirt of his showed that well as he held me tightly holding the whole bunch of pain himself.

-We can't change it anymore. I am sorry, baby.

-I have one question, do u love me?

I parted looking at him as he stopped functioning as his eyes were red and chaotic he lost it in the moment.

I moved back falling on my ass as the trembling lips talked for me.

-Shit, I guess I am here a loser.

I whispered to myself, losing it.

-Go, Chan, just go.

The painful words I never wanted to say again. 

P.S. Don't kill me pls)....