REDAMANCY - Love's Timeless Path

21st Note

(Rajendra)

—

"Lo tuh tolol apa gimana sih Jen?" Giandra gently massaged her temples.

To be honest, I felt really scared whenever Giandra or Haira spoke in Indonesian. It denotes that they have grown tired of and given up on the person they were chatting with.

Sunlight streamed through the stained-glass window, casting a kaleidoscope of colors on the exposed brick walls. It was the kind of place I usually loved — a hipster haven, acoustic guitar strumming in the background, the perfect setting for a casual lunch with my friends.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee mingled with the sweet scent of cinnamon rolls usually created a symphony of comfort that soothed the anxious knot in my stomach. But today, the warmth seemed mocking, and the music was a jarring soundtrack to the turmoil within me.

"Why did you meet her again, Mas?" Wimar looked at me, confused. "Mas Jagad has also said many times that there's no need to do it."

I ruffled my hair briefly. "I was confused about whether to refuse because it turned out she had a project to do a symposium here."

"The one with Prof. Jatmiko?" Jagad asked me curiously.

I nodded.

"Well, that's quite difficult; you're the organizer." Bria answered while gently stirring her iced cappuccino.

"That's why I can't deny it because she will definitely use that as an excuse." I leaned my back against the chair where we had lunch today.

"Honestly speaking, Haira is meeting Satya now. She currently has a project to brand her hotel. I can't imagine how dizzy she is thinking about all that plus her boyfriend's trashy behavior." Giandra told me something that I couldn't reply to with any kind of excuse. "Luckily, there's Pra to accompany her." She added before finally drinking her iced Americano.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance when I heard her bring up Pradipta's name.

"Gue kesel sama Pradipta."

"Why?" Giandra raised her eyebrows. Confused by my statement just now.

"I'm annoyed because he always sticks to Haira. He definitely has a crush on Haira."

She gave me a disbelieving look. "You're crazy, aren't you?"

"Why so? It should be the same as for me and Rara. We're friends, right? Why does Haira find it annoying? I should be the one annoyed with her." I added a tone of disapproval.

Giandra grabbed her jacket and slapped it on me. "Emang lu tuh tolol!" She cursed at me, half-screaming. "Lu nggak pernah diceritain Haira apa kalau Pradipta itu naksir gue?! Bisa-bisanya nuduh mereka kayak gitu!"

"Hah?"

"Bubs? Is that true?" Jagad rushed to see his girlfriend, whom I felt was about to explode like Mount Merapi.

"Yes." Giandra gave me a serious look. "Jeez Jen." She ruffled her hair roughly. "Why do you think that way? Do you not recall that Dipta used to accompany me when I was under stress? What do you think made him feel at home accompanying me when Bentala died and I had to visit a psychiatrist countless times because I was on the verge of going insane?!"

I was shocked as I glanced at my friend, bringing back memories from the past.

"So? Pradipta had a crush on you?"

"He did. Haira was to blame for keeping it from you since she was worried you would tell Jagad about it and ruin our relationship. Now your relationship is a mess." She grumbled. "He was drinking nonstop for three days the last time he found out I had a boyfriend, but he was fine because my boyfriend is Jagad. You are aware of Dipta's admiration for Jagad, aren't you?"

I just nodded. Meanwhile, Jagad continued to glance back and forth between Giandra and myself. Confused by what he just heard.

"Then why does he seem to like making fun of me so much?"

"You know, Dipta and Haira have known each other for 13 years; they are like sibling. Dipta is so concerned because he sees Haira as his older sister. Is it normal for you to have a sister and then have a boyfriend? It's just like you and Kak Jini."

I cleared my throat, confirming what Giandra had just said, before looking at Bria, who was chewing her spaghetti and grinning at me. Yes, my sister is dating Bria's brother, Kak Daven. And when I found out they were dating, I was really skeptical about him.

"So, that's it?" Giandra asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "You just realized that you were the foolish one?"

Shame burned in my cheeks — hotter than the cappuccino I hadn't touched. "It wasn't like that," I mumbled, my gaze flitting nervously between her and the other pair of eyes around me.

"But it was, wasn't it?" Giandra pushed, her voice laced with hurt.

The memory of Haira's tear-filled eyes and the accusing tremor in her voice slammed into me like a tidal wave. I winced, the warmth of the cafe suddenly stifling.

"I know, I know," I stammered, finally meeting her gaze. "I messed up. Big time."

She leaned back in her chair, her smile gone, replaced by a guarded expression. "You definitely betrayed your own relationship."

Her words were like a slap, jolting me out of my self-pity. The truth, ugly and undeniable, stared back at me. I hadn't denied it to protect myself; I'd done it to avoid facing the consequences of my actions. The disappointment in her eyes was a mirror reflecting my own failings.

"Honestly, I was really shocked when I met Haira, and her face was pale like that; her eyes were red." Jagad shook his head, reluctant to remember what happened at the hospital at that time.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. Every time I heard some advice from my friends, all I could see was Haira's face, etched with hurt and disappointment, replaying on loop in my mind, and it was a vision of despair I couldn't shake.

"I know," I whispered, defeated. "I was an idiot."

"We all make mistakes, Mas. But the important thing is to learn from them." Wimar added.

He was right. The guilt gnawed at me, a constant reminder of the mess I'd created. The memory of our fight was a searing brand. The accusation in her voice, the way she pulled away from my touch — it was a punch to the gut that resonated even now. I'd tried to explain, to assure her that there was nothing between me and Rara, but the words had felt hollow, even to my own ears. But amidst the regret, a spark of determination flickered.

"I need to fix this," I declared, my voice firming with resolve. "I need to talk to her, explain everything, and hope she can forgive me."

"As you should, Jen." Bria added. She smiled. "Don't let your selfishness overpower the trust and relationship you've had for the past ten years. Everyone deserves a second chance. And maybe, just maybe, you can rebuild from what both of you had, stronger and more honest this time."

I know it wouldn't be easy. There would be trust to rebuild, communication to refine, and boundaries to respect. But in that sun-drenched cafe, with Haira's smile lighting up my world, I knew I was willing to put in the work, because the love we shared was worth fighting for. And this time, I wouldn't let fleeting distractions cloud my judgement. This time, my heart would be hers, and hers alone.

"Kak Jendra!"

I turned my head towards the shrill voice that had just appeared between us.

"Agni?"

Her face looked panicked as she approached our table.

"Aku tadi lihat Kak Haira dipeluk cowok."