She's back ~ L. Hamilton

52.| Truths

I was sitting on the warm stone steps of the rental. The steps overlooked the green fields and farms, it was one of the best views in the whole house. The evening air was warm, carrying the sweet scent of the blooming lavender from the field near by. The sun was setting, casting a general golden hue across where I was sitting.

But I didn't pay any attention to that.

No.

My mind was a million miles away. My eyes were looking off into the distance towards an old barn, but I wasn't really looking at the barn. Lewis's words echoed in my mind, and every time I thought of what he said, it felt like a dagger to the heart.

I didn't blame Lewis, I mean how could he have known. He had every right to say that, I however did not have the right to react like that. Not to him. Not when he was just trying to be nice.

I was more upset at myself for getting so upset, that was the worst part.

But at the same time. I'm not going to sit here and think about how my feelings are invalid. He just touched a nerve, that's all. A very large never he didn't know existed.

The distance hum of grasshoppers filled the air, blending in with the occasional chip of a bird. I watched as the shadows of the trees lengthened across the fields, the bright colours of the sun covering the sky.

I envied the peacefulness of it all, the untouchable beauty of nature, untouched by the turmoil that was my constant companion.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them.

I had always prided myself on being strong, not letting my emotions show, especially not to people outside of my family - and by family I mean my uncle and Daniel - on keeping my emotions in check.

I was strong.

Maybe at times too strong.

Yet here I was, getting teary eyes because Lewis fucking Hamilton asked why I quit tennis.

I was supposed to hate Lewis. I do hate Lewis. Every fibre of my being told me I was right to hate him. He says horrible things about my brother weekly, he's the enemy.

And yet, in quite moments like this. I can't bring myself to fully despise him.

It was maddening. This constant tug of war between utter hatred and....... lesser hatred?

If I have to be honest however. He may say horrible things to and about my brother. But there's certain moments when I see another side to him, when he's not Lewis Hamilton 7 time world champion. Like when he's smiling madly at me because I compliment something to do with his tennis, or when he's playing with Roscoe, or when he's defending me - which by the way has happened on one too many occasions.

"Delaney" Lewis's voice brought my out of my thought process.

There he was. If I wasn't so sad I'd actually laugh. He was standing practically around the corner of the house, staring at me nervously

"You look like a child that's coming to tell their mother they threw up" I mumbled, I didn't have the energy to fight with him now

"I probably do" he said nervously, taking a few steps towards me

"You know I'm not contaminated" I said, looking at him. He smiled hesitantly before he sat down on the step beside me, letting his legs trail down the steps in front of us.

"I'm so sorry Delaney" he said. I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept my eyes focused on the view in front of us, it's like I couldn't tear my eyes away from the hills and the sunset.