She's back ~ L. Hamilton

67. | Clip From Ricciardo's Camera

Clip from;
Delaney Ricciardo's personal camera

Time:                       22:05

Date:                         02.06.23

8 Hours after Delaney Ricciardo lost to Charlie Thyme in the French Open quarterfinals

The camera switches on. Delaney is sitting crossed legged on the floor of her hotel room. She's sitting in front of the big glass windows but it's dark outside. Delaneys hair was in a plait and she was wearing a white vest with black shorts.

"I don't really know what to say" She mumbles "Tasha told me I need to be honest and give every thought in my head. But the thing is that I've never been very good at that, I've never been good at the whole feelings thing. I'm no good at talking about them, or understanding them - really.....a couple of hours ago I lost to Charlie Thyme, which knocked me out of the French Open. And usally when I loose I'm annoyed obviously but I'm never usually this...... upset"

"I've had a lot of thoughts over the last few hours, I've been thinking a lot. About how hard this moment is for me. I've been training like crazy for the last year and to come up short because of something as stupid as this...it's just so frustrating. To know that I only have four shots to take back my record and to have to face the fact that I blew two shots already because I'm so fucking stupid is just so beyond frustrating"

"However......My main thought is that people won't know why this means so much to me. It's not that I want people to pity me, far from it, but I want people to understand why this means what it does to me. I think it's just-..."

Delaney pauses for a minute as she zones out past the camera, biting her bottom lip as she does before she looks back at the camera in front of her

"I've dedicated my life to being the best. To being the greatest tennis player of all time, to being the great Delaney Ricciardo. And don't underestimate that. When I say I've dedicated my life to this, I mean that. My. Whole. Life. I mean look at me now, I'm 36 years old. I don't have a boyfriend, a husband, kids, I don't even have friends - I have, no one. All because I dedicated my life to being the best. So I was okay with that, not having a family or friends. I was okay with that as long as I was the greatest female athlete in the world, and I was - I am. I became the women I wanted to be, I became the best tennis player in the world. And it made all those sacrifices worth it, every last one......but if I'm not the best, if I'm not the greatest........then what was all that for?"

"When I was a little girl" she paused, taking a breath "every other little girl dreamed of their wedding day, who they would marry, being an astronaut, being a teacher and whatever else. But when I was a little girl, I never dreamed of my wedding day, I never dreamed of growing up and I never wanted to be an astronaut . The only thing I ever dreamed of was being the greatest tennis player. I was four years old and I had already decided what I wanted to do with my life, I had already decided that I would work every day to being the best tennis player - four years old. I was a child. When everyone else played with dolls I practiced tennis moves"

"From a young age I always felt pressure to be more. Study more, practice more, work out more. Just be more. It was a never ending thought that I wasn't good enough, in some ways it still is. I'm used as a marker for everyone else to beat, I can never stumble or fail. I most especially can't say or talk about all this pressure I'm under constantly. I chose to practice instead of make friends, I chose to study tennis movements instead of going to a bar where I could have met someone, I chose to give up my childhood so I could one day win a grand slam. But it was all worth it when they said I was the greatest there ever was"

"There hasn't been a single thing in my life I haven't sacrificed at one point to be the best in tennis. That's including my family. I cut contact with my brother for a few months to make sure I could focus on tennis, he didn't forgive me for it for ages. I don't have a proper relationship with my parents because I spent all my childhood with my uncle practicing tennis. And then the one person you'd think I could never sacrifice, the one person who always believed in me. I dumped my uncle as my coach because I knew Darren would be able to get me the number 1 ranking faster. I've given up everything in my life for this"

Delaney pauses for a minute more before speaking again "And I know that everyone watching this is going to make fun of me. The poor girl isn't the best anymore, she's crying because someone's better than her, she's such a baby........But it's just........ heartbreaking when when you spend your entire life working towards something, and then you finally get it....you just don't imagine a time when you won't have it- if that makes sense. When you become the best in the world you don't picture yourself as the second best"

"No one ever remembers who comes second. History remembers who comes first, no one remembers who comes second. History remembers the best. And if I'm not the best........what am I? I don't have a life outside of tennis, I don't have a life outside of tennis and doing things because I'm the greatest of all time. I don't belong anywhere other than a tennis court. I don't make sense to myself anywhere other than a tennis court"

Moments pass in silence as Delaney zones out again. She looks back at up at the camera a minute later and says "it's late anyway, I need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and this was all just a nightmare"

She goes to pick up the camera and turn it off, but just as she's about to turn it off, she moves it back to face her

"Oh and also, If you think this means I'm giving up. You're dead fucking wrong. Wimbledon is up next. I've won there nearly twice as much as everywhere else combined. I can win Wimbledon. And I will win Wimbledon. I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Just fucking watch me"