She's back ~ L. Hamilton

91. | Laney

The night before the final, I toss and turn.

It's impossible to sleep.

I lie awake, staring at the shadows on the ceiling, thinking about what tomorrow holds.

The more I think about how important it is that I go to sleep, the more impossible it becomes. The harder I chase it, the more it eludes me.

I get up and check the time. It's early evening in Australia I think about calling my uncle. But, instead, I call Lewis.

"Hi" I say

"Hello" he replies, I can hear the smile in his voice, I came picture him right now, his smug smile, his raised eyebrows as he smiled but tried to hold back a grin.

I say "I can't sleep" just as he says, "You should be sleeping"

Lewis doesn't say anything else for a moment, but the silence between us feels easy.

"Do you often find it hard to sleep before a big match?" Lewis asks

"No" I say. "Almost never"

"Not even against Shay Holmes in that big final match?"

"No, I slept like a baby that night. I'd worn my body down with so much training, I could barely stay awake"

Lewis is quiet again "how are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Confident"

"Delaware?" He says.

I falter for a moment, remembering the word, Delaware. How we made a silly deal that if either of us say it, we have to be completely honest with the other.

I didn't think he'd remember

"I'm scared"

"Scared of what? I thought you didn't get scared"

"Everyone gets scared. I'm scared of everyone....... - of everyone seeing through me"

"Keep going, I'm listening Laney"

"Well" I pause, sitting up straighter in my bed, bringing my knees up and wrapping one of my arms around them "everyone thinks I'm back because I'm this brave women, who doesn't care if she loses it all. As long as I get to play again- even Daniel thinks that. But......I'm not a brave women, I'm just a scared child. I came back because I was so afraid of loosing something I've dedicated my whole life to - and the thought still terrifies me. I'm scared that if I lose tomorrow......,that everyone will see me for what I really am"

"If only the world would be so lucky"

"What do you mean?"

"The world could only be so lucky to see you as you really are....... I believe in you Delaney ....... more than I've ever believed in anyone. I know you're going to win tomorrow"

"How do you do that?" I ask, my voice quite

"Do what?" His voice was equally as quite, but also gentle as he spoke

"Say the right thing"

"No one thinks that"

"I do"

"Maybe I just say the right thing to you"

We didn't say anything for a minute, but the silence was easy and almost calming. Just knowing he was there brought a sense of comfort to my head that was spinning a little slower since I've been on the phone.

"What did Coach say?" He asks

I laugh. "I didn't call him"

Lewis lets out a low whistle "Wow, you called me instead. I got called before Marco or Daniel?"