After (2024)

Let me go back

There isn't a wisdom like that of a toddler
Crying because they want, just the simplicity of wanting
Knowing the confidence of asking,
Because they know nothing but the feeling of contentment, and the pain of being without

But what use does a toddler have for wisdom?
One so young only to babble, one who can barely walk
What use do we have for wisdom then?

There isn't a wisdom like that of a child
Knowing right and wrong, knowing justice so young
Wanting to see it enforced, in playground battles, down slides
Because they have morals, because they can't stand to see those morals being compromised

But what use does a child have for wisdom?
One who doesn't know conflict beyond line leader, and who's the tallest
What use do we have for wisdom then?

There isn't a wisdom like that of a kid
Learning not to cry over the little things
Watching friendships grow and fall apart for the first time
Finally understanding that change, hurts, but it's not always a bad thing

But what use does a kid have for wisdom?
Hands still sticky with sugar while knowing beyond instant gratification the reward of patience
What use do we have for wisdom then?

There isn't a wisdom like that of a teenager
Confronted with emotions they learned to avoid long ago
Because crying over the small things makes you weak and yet;
We find their reckless words and emotions so commanding, written on the walls in spray paint and sharpie, scribbled on the back of a gum wrapper crumpled up thrown next to the trash

But what use does a teenager have for wisdom?
Shouting opinions so violently and yet still going unheard
Your only job, is to make me proud
What use do we have for wisdom then?

There isn't a wisdom like that of a young adult
Where did the knowledge go? I was told so often I would have I never knew it before now because teenagers must be meek, kids quiet, children behaved, toddlers taken care of
Where did the wisdom go?
Everything I was told I should know turn to sex driven drunken nights trying to live a life I've already lost
Where did it all go?

I'm supposed to have that wisdom
The responsibility of a teenager who's scared to mess it all up
The trust of a kid ordering food for the first time
The passion of a child finding interests and hobbies
The innocence of a toddler ready to take their first steps alone
Where did it all go?

Why did everything happen so fast?
I was told life was slow
Take everything day by day
Always do better
Don't put things off for tomorrow

Life is fleeting

Once I was just a toddler
Just a child
Just a kid
Just a teenager
Barely an adult
And now

Lost

Do you remember?
A time when independent thought was a virtue?
When actions had safety and warmth
Steps were taken in homes
A quarter found was a treasure without a price
Do you remember?

Do you remember life as a blessing?

Please
Let me go back
Let me go back to the wisdom in hope

In hurt
In loss
In learning
In growing

Let me go back

Back to hearing for the first time
Seeing for the first time
Doing for the first time something
When 'all by myself' was a novelty of trust, of responsibility

Back to when I was a good kid
A good daughter
Now
An unstable adult

Let me go back to wisdom in words and power in actions

Let me go back

Is it too late to do it all again?