Twisted Games

twenty eight - taylor

On the second of November, Travis and I dropped Izzy with Jason and Kylie and went to the doctor's office. I was almost exactly three months pregnant, and we were hoping that we could find out baby's gender today. It was still early to tell, but if the nurse could tell, we wanted to have it written down. We were going the whole way, having a gender reveal party.

"So do you think baby is a boy or a girl?" I murmured to Travis as we sat in the waiting room, one of my hands covered with both of us.

"I think..." Travis kissed my cheek. "That either way, we'll be the luckiest parents in the world. But I think baby's going to be a girl."

"Yeah?" I smiled, and he nodded. "Well I think it's a boy." I rubbed a hand over my stomach. "Mother's instinct."

"We'll see." Travis chuckled, and I smiled wider.

Five minutes later, a nurse came out to get us. Travis squeezed my hand as we walked into the ultrasound room, helping me up onto the bed. The nurse introduced herself as Faith, asking a few questions about how far along I was and how my pregnancy had been going as she set up. Then she asked me to tuck my shirt up, and I lifted it to expose my bump. 

"Okay, so this might be a little cold." Faith told me, and I nodded as she spread the gel onto my stomach. "Were you guys wanting to see if we can tell the gender today?"

"If you can." Travis nodded. "But we don't want to know yet. We're doing a gender reveal."

"Gotcha." Faith smiled. "I'll write it down." I nodded, a little nervously as she took the ultrasound wand. "Alright, let's find baby's heartbeat for you." She murmured, and I squeezed Travis' hand. He squeezed mine back, and I waited as Faith placed the wand against my skin.

The room descended into silence as Faith ran the wand over my bump. Travis and I waited, and I almost held my breath as seconds ticked by. After a minute, I saw Faith's eyebrows twitch into a frown. Only slightly, but it told me all I needed to know.

A noose wrapped itself around my neck, grief rising up like a crushing weight I couldn't fight off. Tears filled my eyes and I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back a sob. She didn't even have to say anything, I already knew.

"There's no heartbeat...is there?" I whispered, my voice broken and shaking.

"I..." Faith swallowed, putting the ultrasound wand down. "I just need to get a doctor. I'll be right back."

Travis and I were silent, and when I looked over at him, I saw the tears in his eyes as well. We didn't need a doctor to tell us what we already knew. I knew, and Travis knew. 

"Tay." He whispered. "Tay."

Then the door opened, and Faith came back with an older doctor. The doctor smiled sadly at us, moving over to the ultrasound machine and picking up the wand. I watched as she pressed it to my stomach, my heart sinking lower and lower when I heard nothing.

But then a light thudding suddenly reached my ears, and my head snapped up. Faith breathed a sigh of relief, confirming that the doctor had found the heartbeat. I let out a sob of relief, covering my mouth as I tried not to shake with the tears that ran down my cheeks.

For a single moment, I'd believed my baby was gone. But they weren't. Baby was fine. 

"Oh thank god." Travis gasped, burying his face in my neck. "Oh Tay, baby girl, the baby's fine."

"We're really sorry for frightening you." The doctor told me. "Baby's just lying funny and it's really hard to get a good scan in that position. But they look just fine, perfect for three months."