WARNING: depictions of a panic attack
Evan:
Breathing
Breathing should be easy
In and out, right?
Everyone needs to do it to live
In and out
It should be easy
In and out
So why the fuck does Evan find it so hard to breathe? All he can hear is Barty's voice in his head and everyone laughing at him, he just needs a moment of peace and quiet.
In and out, out and out and hold and in.
it's all so irregular, so out of time, so out of tune, so out of control.
Evan hates it, he craves control, he needs it, he wants to regain it. He keeps being reminded of the loss of control he felt under the Imperius Curse, how he found it freeing. Now he finds it terrifying.
Without control there is chaos, and Evan thrives in order and routine.
He needs to get his breathing under control.
Come on Evan, in and out, in and out.
In
In
Hold
Out
In
Out
Out
Fuck, he can't get it right, it's irregular, it needs to be controlled.
He wants control, he needs control.
There's a knock at his door.
Who could that be?
Don't people know to leave a guy alone when he's curled up on the floor? He's trying to have a breakdown over here.
"Go away" Evan manages to say
But the door opens anyway which Evan thinks is rude. What's the point of knocking if you were going to enter the room
anyway?
Barty walks into the room and he is the last person Evan wants to see.
First, all Evan can think about is how attractive Barty is, and how much he wants to kiss him.
Now that he's had a taste, he wants more.
More
More
More.
But then he remembers what Barty did, and the anger takes over again.
Suddenly breathing doesn't seem all that important to him because he stands up, anger replacing the anxiety he was feeling only moments ago
"Get the fuck out" Evan grits, immediately defensive
"Evan, please" Barty pleads
"No, get the fuck out, now, this isn't a negotiation, Crouch, get out or I will fucking hex you" Evan shouts, feeling the anger simmering in his veins. His body begins to tremble with anger but he stands his ground
"I didn't want to hurt you" Barty says, looking hopeful
"Well what the fuck did you think you were doing? Throwing me a party?" Asks Evan bitterly
"Evan, please" Barty begs
"Get out" Evan repeats
"No, let me explain" Barty demands
YOU ARE READING
Snakes and Roses|| Rosekiller || ✔️
FanfictionEvan Rosier is top of his year, he's one of the smartest students has ever seen, really, so starting his NEWTs should really be a breeze for him. The only thing about school Evan can't seem to get a grip on is friendships and social interactions, an...
