Snakes and Roses|| Rosekiller || ✔️

31. Fallouts

WARNING: talks of past death, past murder, past torture (all the fun stuff, i know)

Evan:

Evan never expected to have both Barty and Regulus at the same time, it wasn't something he had ever thought about, but that's something he can add to and tick off the bucket list.

The three of them ended up sleeping in Regulus' bed, all tangled in one another. The exhaustion caught up with them pretty quickly, they didn't even manage to keep their eyes open long enough to enjoy a post-sex cigarette, which Barty is responsible for getting both Evan and Regulus in the habit of.

The next morning, Evan is heading to breakfast when he's stopped by none other than Kit. "Oh, hey, Kit" Evan says, stepping back a few paces so that he's now facing Kit.

"Can we talk?" Asks Kit

"Sure" Evan replies

"Not here" Kit says

Evan nods, feeling his stomach churn because he has a feeling he knows what this conversation is going to be about, and he's pretty sure it has the opportunity to turn very ugly very quickly.

The two of them walk up to Kit's room and Evan feels heavier with every step, really wishing he could have bypassed Kit and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast in order to avoid the upcoming conversation

"How long were you going to wait until you told me you joined the Death Eaters?" Asks Kit, his voice so monotonous, which is so unlike Kit. Kit usually has a full, loud, uplifting tone to his voice, all of that is gone now, and it causes an ache right below Evan's ribs.

Kit, the first and only friend Evan has ever made, a friend he may very well lose before breakfast is even over, and Evan can't even begin to explain how scared he feels about that, how hopeless and defeated he feels.

"I wasn't keeping it from you on purpose, there was no right time for me to bring that up" Evan replies, trying to choose his words carefully.

Kit runs a stressed hand through his hair "When did you join?" Asks Kit

"Christmas" Evan replies

"That was over a month ago, Evan, and you didn't once think to pull me aside and tell me?" Asks Kit

"I don't know why you think you're entitled to that sort of information" Evan replies, he cringes as he says it, he doesn't know why he does, he could have handled that a lot better.

That's the problem with Evan though, all that time spent by himself has made him self-destructive. All those years with no friends has made him believe he doesn't deserve any.

Truthfully, Evan doesn't think he deserves Kit, doesn't think he deserves any of the people in his life, not Kit, not Barty, not Regulus, none of them. He's convinced that something is rotten inside of him, that he's a terrible person and he's just waiting for everyone else to see it. Perhaps the cracks are showing and Kit is beginning to see Evan's true colours.

Evan knows he doesn't deserve the people he has in his life, but he hopes to Merlin he gets to keep them, that the cracks don't reveal too much. He's not done loving them. He's not done being loved.

Just let me feel loved a little longer, please

Evan doesn't know who he's asking, doesn't know who he's begging to, he's just hopes whoever it is listens to him, because he can't lose what little he has left, without them, he is nothing.

"I'm your friend, Evan, your best friend, I have every right to know that information" Kit retorts "or have you gotten so caught up with your Death Eater boyfriend that you've forgotten about me?" Asks Kit, and that one cut deep into Evan, because the last thing he wanted to do was ignore Kit in favour of Barty, but that's what he's been doing is it not?