Miara's Mistakes: Part Two

(219) - September 12, 2020

Vulnerable

Katatapos lang nilang maghapunan kasama ang mga pinsan ni Primo. Hindi na sila nagtagal sa hapag dahil may gagawin pa raw ang mga ito kaya dumiretso na lang din sina Miara sa kwarto ni Primo.

Primo sat on the edge of his bed, then prompting her to sit as well. Miara took the space beside him but he shook his head, looking displeased that she sat beside him.

"Not there," he said, then lifting Miara to transfer her on his lap.

Kahit nagulat ay tinago lang iyon ni Miara sa nakakalokong ngisi. Ito rin sana ang gusto niyang gawin ngunit nag-aalala siya na baka bigla na lang hindi mamansin ang lalaki at bumalik sa pag-aaral.

"Baka manigas ka ulit," she laughed, her face buried in his neck.

Primo sighed and stood. Napasinghal na lang din si Miara. She liked their position because it was comfortable. Nakakagaan sa pakiramdam ang yakap ni Primo.

Primo transferred to the middle of the bed and leaned on the headboard with a pillow behind him. He then took another pillow and placed it on his lap, then tapping that pillow.

"Eto naman... biro lang 'yon, eh," Miara resumed her seat on his lap. Mas kumportable 'yong walang unan ngunit baka ang lalaki naman ang mahirapan.

"It's a joke for you but the truth for me." Ngumuso si Primo ngunit napaiwas naman ng tingin si Miara. She could feel her cheeks now heating up.

"You're such a tease, Miara." Primo enveloped her in a warm and cozy embrace. Pinatong nito ang kaniyang baba sa balikat nito, nagpapalambing.

Sandali silang binalot ng katahimikan. Alam ni Miara na may gustong sabihin ang lalaki sa kaniya ngunit naiintindihan niya ring baka nahihirapan pa ito at kumukuha pa ng buwelo.

"We're going to Manila to meet with the other lawyers," panimula nito. Tumango naman si Miara habang masuyong hinahaplos ang buhok nito. He's trying hard to sound alright but she could still hear his pain.

Miara wanted to say some comforting words but she's also unsure what to say. She might say something wrong or invalidating, which might make him feel worse. Instead, she hugged him tighter, hoping it'll make up for the words she couldn't string together.

"I'm glad you're here, Miara... so damn glad," nanghihina nitong bulong.

She wanted to pull away from the hug to face him but he tightened his embrace. Miara has mastered crying in secret so she knows when someone is doing that. Magaling mang magtago si Primo ngunit alam niyang umiiyak ito.

"Thank you for telling me, Primo." She continued caressing his hair, hoping it'll help him calm down. "I know it's not easy on your part."

Naramdaman niyang tumango ang lalaki at lumuwag ang pagkakayakap nito sa kaniya. She used it as a chance to pull away and face him.

Mabilis na napayuko si Primo, mukhang nahihiya at ayaw ipakitang nanghihina ito.

"You can be vulnerable with me, Primo," masuyo niyang sabi habang pinapahiran ang mga luha nito.

Her heart is breaking for him. Hindi man siya ang nakakaramdam ng mga nararamdaman ng lalaki at hindi niya man pinagdadaanan ang mga problema nito, hindi niya pa ring mapigilang malungkot at masaktan para rito. It's like his pain is suddenly hers as well.

But that's a good thing, right? She thought. Sharing his pain would mean lesser burden for him.

Hindi maganda sa pakiramdam na hindi niya matutulungan ang lalaki. Wala siyang pwedeng magawa para mabawasan ang mga aalahanin nito... but she also knows that sometimes, people need just someone to lean on... 'yong alam nilang hindi sila mag-isa.

And that's the role she's willing to play. She may not be able to solve his problems for him, but she'll stay by his side anyways.