You drafted my heart - Nika Mühl (Eng. version)

Chapter 27 - A Sea of Regret and Despair

As I left the locker room, sadness and guilt weighed on me like an anchor, dragging each step. The walk to the parking lot seemed endless, as if the world around me was in slow motion, each moment unfolding with the same intensity as my pain.

When I finally reached the spot where my car was parked, my hands trembled as I grabbed the keys. I could barely press the alarm button to unlock the doors, my fingers numb and clumsy. The reality of the situation hit me in waves, and I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of regret and despair.

As soon as the engine started, I turned the heater on full blast, trying to drive away the suffocating cold that seemed to envelop me. Tears began to silently stream down my face, and the feeling that I had destroyed something precious solidified with each sob.

Driving towards the dorm, my thoughts were a whirlwind of turmoil. "Why was I so stupid? How could I lie to Nika? I should have told her everything from the start." I thought as images of our argument kept replaying in my mind, each word full of pain and anger echoing like an endless refrain. "Nika trusted me. I ruined everything."

As I drove, the guilt transformed into a physical pain, a knot in my stomach that seemed to tighten more and more. I could barely see the road ahead through the tears, but I kept going, determined to get home. "She was so hurt. And rightfully so. I am an idiot for thinking hiding this would be better."

Finally, when I parked in front of my building, I sat in the car for a few minutes, unable to move. The silence was overwhelming, and the weight of what I had done felt unbearable. I just wanted to go back in time, undo my decision to meet with Beau, to tell Nika immediately. But it was too late. "Will she ever forgive me? Or have I ruined everything forever?"

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the sobs that still shook my body. "I need to talk to her. I need to make things right, somehow." But at the same time, the fear that Nika would never forgive me was paralyzing.

When I finally managed to get out of the car, my steps were heavy and uncertain. Every movement felt like a monumental effort, as if the very air was against me. I entered the building, the empty hallway amplifying the echo of my footsteps. Everything seemed darker and colder than usual, reflecting the state of my heart.

I reached the door of my dorm room, and for a moment I hesitated, my hand hovering over the doorknob. The fear of what I would find on the other side was overwhelming.

The apartment was silent. Every shadow seemed to judge me, and the loneliness of the space increased my sense of isolation. I closed the door behind me and went straight to the bedroom, my legs barely supporting my weight.

As soon as I passed through the door, I collapsed onto the bed, clutching my pillow like a lifeline. The tears came harder, and each sob felt like it was tearing my chest apart. "I love her so much. How could I be so stupid? How could I risk our relationship for something so foolish?" My thoughts were an endless cycle of regret and self-recrimination.

Lying there, sadness and guilt completely enveloped me. Every memory, every happy moment with Nika now seemed tainted by the shadow of my mistake. I knew I had a long way to go to try and regain her trust, but at that moment, all I could do was cry and hope that, somehow, there was a chance to make things right.

I felt the weight of my decision like a leaden cloak, each thought a new stab of regret. "If only I could turn back time..." But I knew that was impossible. All I could do was try to find a way to show Nika that my love for her was real and deep, and that I would do anything to regain her trust in me, in us.

And so, as time dragged on, I remained there, immersed in my thoughts and feelings, the fragile hope of redemption struggling to survive amid the sea of despair.