Trust Issues

Part 14

I sat in the library, knowing it would be the only place where I wouldn't see Josh. We'd pretty much split up, I mean after the way he spoke to me, it was clear that he didn't want to see me. I wish he would have just let me explain, then maybe he would have taken it a little easier on me. I browsed along the shelves of dusty books, looking for something a little entertaining to keep me some company as the rain fell outside. When I was younger, my Mum always used to say when it rained, God was sad because something bad had happened. I'm really missing home, it makes me think that if I would have just stayed there and listened to my parents then none of this would have happened. It's been nothing but trouble since I've come here. I picked up a random book, holding it close to my chest and taking my usual seat by the window, looking outside at the rain falling. I opened the first page and then flipped over to the next every few minutes but I wasn't reading, I was too busy thinking about Josh. There was one good thing about having this seat by the window, it was right at the back of the library, quiet where no one could find me. The perfect place to break down and cry.

I sat and cried into a book for around 10 minutes, I loved Josh, but everything seemed to be going wrong; maybe it just wasn't meant to be. No, come on Rach, pull yourself together.

"Is this seat taken" asked a voice

I looked up to see George stood, his beanie on his head and his coat wet from the rain drops outside. Shaking my head, he pulled out the chair and sat down opposite me. I looked into his eyes.

"Oh Rach, you've been crying"

"I..I..."

"Don't make excuses Rach, It's ok to cry sometimes you know"

"But it seems like all I've been doing, crying over guys"

"But Josh is special isn't he"

"Yeah...and now..."

"Don't say anymore Rach, he told me, he's pretty upset but I know he didn't give you chance to explain so I..."

"You told him didn't you" I said, another tear rolling down my cheek.

"No, I didn't, I told him he was a jerk to let you go" He replied, leaning over the table and wiping the tear away from my cheek. I smiled.

" Christmas is coming, maybe things will work out once you've both had a break and had chance to clear your heads"

 I nodded and closed my book, like closing all of the bad things away. George threw me my coat and picked up the book, throwing it on the shelf. 

"Where'd you get my coat?" I asked

"Called at your room, figured when you weren't there that you'd be here"

"You know me too well" I laughed

"Now come on, lets get out of here, it's for nerds this place"

"Erm, excuse me"

"Well you're a nerd"

"Oh thanks George, nice one" I said, tapping him lightly over the head and laughing.

We walked out of the library to the boys room so I could spend the night with them, watching scary films and talking about life in general. Little did I know that Josh was stood, watching George and I, getting the wrong idea once again.

"Another great rehearsal girls" I said, clapping as I turned the music down in the dance studio.

The students grabbed their bags and shuffled out of the room, talking and chatting about how exhausted they were from the dance rehearsal. The performance was coming together really well. It had been a week since my incident with Josh and he wasn't exactly talking to me.  I walked over to the common room, pushing the door open and seeing my group of friends sat around the table, Josh with them for a change. Maybe this is my chance, maybe if I go over and sit with them, Josh will talk to me and we can sort things out properly. It was worth a try, I had nothing to lose. Putting a smile on my face, I walked over to the table, my bag slung over my shoulder. Josh was laughing at JJ doing his Donald Duck Impression when JJ stopped and looked at me.

"Hey Rach!" He greeted

Josh turned his head quickly, reverting his eyes from looking at me. Jaymi just shook his head and looked down at what Josh was doing. Lucie patted a seat next to her for me to take. As I walked forward, Josh started to fidget and become nervous.

"I...I...I've gotta be somewhere, see you"

Picking up his bag and heading for the door, he ran away, once again, running away from the problem like he always did. Jaymi out his arm around me along with Olly who put his head on my shoulder.

Christmas was coming up soon. The trees glistened with frost in the morning, the snow started to fall and the streets began to buzz and sparkle with the Christmas spirit. Today Jaymi and I were leaving to go home, just for the Christmas break. I think spending some time with our families is what we all needed. Olly was getting picked up by his older sister, George and Lucie getting picked up by George's dad and Jessie and JJ getting the train back to where they came from. As for Josh, he apparently left early this morning, not saying goodbye or Merry Christmas to any of his friends. I wondered if it was guilt. We gathered at the gates of the University ready for one last goodbye and that we would see each other in 2013. 

"Merry Christmas Rach, hope it's magical" JJ said, giving Jaymi and I a hug plus me a kiss on the cheek. Olly gave me a big hug and Jaymi a discrete kiss on the cheek, they were so adorable together.  Lucie, Jessie and I got into a little circle, giving each other a big hug and wishing each other the best for the New Year, I went to George, taking his beanie from his head.

"Hey give that back!" he said, taking it from my hand and giving me a hug.

"Merry Christmas George!"

"Merry Christmas Rach, things will work out, I promise"

I nodded and took a step back. We got into a group huddle and promised to keep in touch over the break. Slowly but surely, the  group started to get smaller and smaller. First Lucie and George went, then Jessie and JJ, then Olly and then Jaymi and I. 

The taxi pulled up at the train station just as our train pulled at the platform. We ran through the doors and straight on to the train. Taking my seat next to Jaymi, we watched the videos on his ipad that he took last night of the Christmas Karaoke of a very drunk JJ and Jaymi singing Mariah Carey. I sang a lovely version of silent night to some of the residents of the town where Hope University was based at their Christmas Lights switch on. 

"Meg wake up babe, we're home"

My eyes fluttered open and I saw my parents' beaming faces at the windows. Back to putting an act on and being the little angel for my parents. They still made me believe in Santa, which in some ways is quite cute because it does add to the spirit of Christmas.

"Welcome home Sweetie" My mum said, running towards me with open arms and rugby tackling me with a hug. Jaymi went straight over to Jackie, hugging her tightly. Then we both tared ourselves away from our families to say goodbye to each other. We walked towards each other and I took Jaymi's snapback from his head. 

"Merry Christmas Jay!" I said, hugging him tightly.

"Merry Christmas Rachy" He replied, taking his snapback back.

"Merry Christmas Honey, hope all your wishes come true" Jackie said, grabbing me and planting a kiss on my cheek. I hugged her tightly, she was like my second mum.

Our families gathered in a circle, wishing each other all the best and arranging times for when we went back to University. It was open over Christmas for people who couldn't make it home so we decided to go back early because Jessie and Jaymi had organised a New Year Party in our room. What a night that was going to be. We said goodbye and I hopped into the car, making up stories to my parents about how amazing University was when in reality, it was one of the worst times of my life. I couldn't get Josh away from my mind.