The Senorita

Not an update

Hey, hi, to whoever is reading this. I hope you are doing well. 

This is not an update, I just felt the need to let you know what's going on inside me for the longest time. It's hard being this vulnerable, but I want to open up. 

Out of all the stories I have written on here on this website, I have a love and hate relationship with The Señorita, this story. I wrote this because of my fascination for a painting from Juan Luna, "Portrait of a Lady," which was supposedly jinxed. It was not inspired by any other story here on Watty. I wrote this because I wanted to. What if a girl time travels to the past to uncover a mystery behind a jinxed painting? That was the entire premise of it.

I think after this won the Wattys back in October 2017, all went down from there. How close-minded and mean people got mad at me because it won the Wattys instead of another trending story in my genre (as if I was the judge of that contest and I let myself win lol), the way this story got a lot of negative comparisons more than TKAI, how I accepted the publishing deal, how it did not materialize.

Other things also happened after it won Wattys, it broke me. I don't want to think about it anymore, but it broke me bad and I lost my desire for writing stories.  I was on hiatus for mid-2018-early part of 2020, except when I wrote 2 other stories from September 2018-April 2019 (The Green Eyed Writer and Love at the End, 2 non-hisfic stories I did). For the longest time, I didn't want to write anything hisfic.  I just returned to this genre because I love it so much. To my readers, please be kind to other authors, to their stories, and to their readers. Please think first before making any comments, if that can help them, or destroy them. 

This year, I was at a point of having the urge to DELETE The Senorita. It's not mine anymore, speaking of the rights. To people waiting for this to become a physical book, I'm sorry. It won't happen anymore. I was bound to the pub house I signed this in for 5 years and I can't buy my  manuscript back. Because of the pandemic and wanting to make sales, di na ito maisasalibro, because it's not popular enough. That's the bitter reality of traditional publishing. It's something I have to come to terms with. Talent is nothing if you don't have the right numbers here on Wattpad. The right numbers that will make the sales not just for you, but also for the pub house.

This story messed up my life. But it would be contradictory if I wrote about the female protagonist (Senorita Almira) finding meaning in the tragedy of her life, moving forward, tapos magpapatalo ako sa mga naranasan ko. Even if I'm busy now with my real life, I still want to write here, to make stories, because I want to. Even if I won't make it big, become a best-selling author, have a big book signing, stuff I dreamed of happening to me, I have readers who are thankful for my stories. That's a big thing already. Finding purpose why I write stories and having people who love it and find meaning in my words, kahit di sila marami, masaya na ako. Siguro iba ang ipagkakaloob sa akin ng Maykapal. Maybe making it big as a writer might push me down further, baka di ko kayanin ang pressure. Mas focus na kasi ang career ko. Pahingahan ko na lang ang pag-stay dito sa Watty. Bahala na kung anong mangyayari sa future. The Katipunero and I is already published under KPub PH, okay na ito.

I guess I'll keep this here, even if I'm now writing a new version of it (it's on my profile, The Senorita Raiselle's Version). Starting over again is fun and refreshing. Though the negative comparisons have died down (thankfully), I'm still healing from what happened to me and this story.  It's been long and I have finally moved forward, but sometimes it still haunts me. That's the drawback of being a writer here and having some recognition. You cannot please everybody, and I have to accept that.

Also, if you have reached the end of my ramblings here, thank you for listening and understanding. I've always told readers to feel free to move forward, to like other authors and stories. That's just how life is, some people go and some stay. And to those who stayed, thank you. 

Much love,

Rai (raisellevilla/pinayblonde)