Dangerous Lines | Yuzuru Hanyu

15. Mistake

"None of that changes the way I see you."

Nothing of what he had just said made sense in her head. Maybe he hadn't fully realized what it all meant or maybe he just didn't know how to feel with the shock, but nothing of the way he reacted was normal in her eyes.

"Are you crazy?"

"No... it doesn't change who you are."

"I'm in the Yakuza..."

"Not voluntarily."

"Doesn't mean I'm good news for you... I do think you should keep your distance."

"You think or you want it?"

The intensity in Yuzuru's eyes was unlike anything she had seen before. He was challenging her to be completely honest with him and the truth was that she took the bite.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Maybe not me, but you should definitely be afraid of my husband and everything that comes with me."

"Why? Can't you have friends?"

This Yuzuru didn't seem like the man she had met or grown to care about. He was teasing and making his point show with all the quirkiness that she had grown to like in the past few weeks.

For some kind of reason, she enjoyed it. It was hot.

"I'm more concerned about the impact it can have on your life rather than mine."

"Don't worry about it."

That was it? Were all of her doubts and fears unfounded? Did he not care at all?

"What if I get you in harm's way?"

"How about we worry about things as they come up? If anything, your story just tells me that you could probably use a friend and that's exactly what I plan to do. I want to be by your side and be the one you speak to when things get hard."

The intensity in the way he said it was certainly fuel for all of her delusions when her fantasies of him came. 

How could you even say no after he said it so decisively? Nothing in his expression seemed to have an ounce of doubt. Yuzuru was more than certain of his words.

"Okay." she muttered. The natural instincts of obeying a man when he raised his voice at her were undeniable but Yae kept that version of her personality hidden under locked key. What else could she say then?

After weeks on end doubting whether she should tell him or not, Yuzu just made it all very simple in the span of a few seconds.

Make no mistake, she was more than aware of the dangers that came with this, no matter how much Yuzu underestimated them but the reassurance that he was so relaxed with the whole thing made her a bit more confident with it all.

The truth was that they weren't doing anything wrong, no matter what was constantly in her brain and the ideas that seemed to be embedded in her brain.

If anything, it was all innocent fun.

So if she ended up trying to get as many hours outside of her husband's side and close to the other man, Yaeko would always excuse it under the fact that Yuzu gave her the attention she never had.

Her concerns about the whole thing ended up slowly disappearing. She couldn't think about them when she felt so free.

The limitations were still there and you wouldn't find this girl outside of the hotel for much longer than before but you could bet that she wanted to.

Seeing her husband only started to disgust her more with each day that went by and something about the way he acted toward her seemed suspicious.

Yaeko might not love her husband but she still lived 10 years with him. She knew him like the back of her hand so whenever he started acting weirdly, it was very easy to note it.

From the weird looks to the way he seemed to always have an eye on her, she could very well tell that he was suspicious about something.

And yes, it was scary as hell.

You could almost believe that after so long in this life, very few things had the power to scare her but the truth is that Yae knew better than most what her husband was capable of.

So when it came to trying to get in his good graces, she would willingly do anything that could work.

Yaeko promised herself not to text Yuzuru when Kiyoshi was near but the biggest challenge was avoiding the intrusive thoughts of the other man that had a way of popping up in her brain way too often.

Because as she got closer to the skater, it was only getting easier to fall into the trap of seeing images of him popping into her brain and most of them weren't as innocent as before.

Still, if anything, she could have never expected that intimacy with her husband would change as well.

It wasn't immediate, but gradually, as her friendship with Yuzuru progressed so did her thoughts of him. 

When it came to the painful moments of enduring anything intimate with the man she had been with for the last 10 years, she found it way too easy to make her mind think of someone else. If before her fantasies had been consuming her when she was alone or in a position of control, it soon became obvious that she couldn't control it anymore.

Before she knew it, the old man on top of her was replaced by a younger one, far more attractive, with a body to dream of and a heart of gold. Just closing her eyes was enough to feel as if the whole thing was more pleasurable, filled with the desire of two lovers who needed each other desperately.

Well, it was all fine if her husband wouldn't notice it but that's just the thing. No one gets to the position he had without being smart and she should have definitely accounted for that.

So when he finished and placed all of his weight on her, Yaeko could have never predicted his next words.

"Whoever is on your mind, I will find him."