Dangerous Lines | Yuzuru Hanyu

49. Understanding

The first few moments of silence on the other side of the line were exactly what she had dreaded for so long.

She didn't blame him in the slightest for being wordless when this was all so much to take in.

"Not to sound desperate but your silence makes me nervous." She ended up uttering in panic, unsure of what more to say.

"I... "

"You don't have to take responsibility, but I still wanted you to know."

"Yaeko... Of course I will... What the hell are you talking about?"

"I just know you didn't sign up for this... Well, any of this. It's bad enough that I'm the wife of a Yakuza and you've suffered plenty because of me already. This pregnancy is certainly something neither of us expected."

"It's still my responsibility. And I love you. It might not be the best timing, but I could never pretend not to care. Building a family with you is all I ever wanted, no matter the circumstances."

Smiling to herself, Yae just took a breath in relief.

"I don't know how it will be. I'm scared."

"How far along are you?"

"Not sure yet, but I'm pretty certain that I was pregnant before your show so..."

"Yeah, not many possibilities there." He joked.

"You're not even going to ask me if I'm certain it's yours?" She joked in an attempt to calm herself.

"I doubt you would be risking this call if you weren't certain."

"Yeah... My husband... He hadn't touched me in a while...not since he started distrusting me."

"I'm not exactly mad about that information, Yae"

She laughed heartily at his statement, loving how he was just a bit possessive without being too obvious.

"This baby... It's not just me in this mess anymore."

"You'll be safe. I told you before that we would find a way and that hasn't changed. If anything, I'm even more motivated to make sure you'll get out of that mess."

"There's not much you can do."

"I can be here for you, no matter what. Maybe it's not the best scenario but I will take everything I can and give you the best possible."

"Tell me, Hanyu, how is it possible that no woman had ever stolen your heart?"

"I was just waiting for the right one."

"Cute"

"Seriously though, how are you feeling? A lot of symptoms?"

"Stupidly enough, I only got nausea now, but everything else is normal."

"Make sure you take care of yourself."

"I promise, now more than ever."

"I'm guessing that there's no way I can be close to you while this all happens?"

"I can check, but you're also in the middle of the tour. Your fans are patiently awaiting you. The last thing I want is for you to risk that while worrying with me."

"You say it as if I'm not constantly worrying either way. This only makes it more obvious."

"Whatever happens, we will be here to handle it all. You said that yourself."

"You're right..."

With the promise to keep in touch and let him know if anything went wrong, Yaeko disconnected that call with a pain in her heart. If she had wanted him by her side before, nothing could prepare her for the reality of being pregnant with this man's child. Being honest, Yae wasn't prepared to be a mother and nothing in her ever planned something like this.

When you're married to someone so much older like she was, the thoughts of it being possible had long been gone from her head.

Still, when this child was the labor of their connection and love, it was hard to be against it. Yuzuru had said it too, he wanted a family with her and this was just a start.

If they had never done anything according to the social normative rules, this was yet another proof of that. Effectively having another man's baby while still married was never a good look for any woman in Japan but her circumstances were equally unique. No one knew what it was like to be in her shoes and no one should judge it either.

The one thing that mattered was that she loved Yuzuru and she would love this child as well. If they had to go around a few corners and hope for the best, it was just part of the challenges that were certainly coming their way. As long as they were safe and healthy, all the rest was fixable.

It didn't mean that all of this wasn't yet another sign of how messed up her life could be.

Even still, it was in moments like these that she thought of her parents. She could understand her mother better now.
When her father chose to do what he did, her mother had watched in screaming agony. All Yaeko knew was that she left on that same day and never returned. Maybe in the past Yaeko had thought her mother to be selfish but now she could understand.

Watching a child suffer was something that no parent should be able to endure.

Now as she was facing the fact that she would soon be a mother herself, Yaeko understood her father even less. Not knowing if he was okay or even his whereabouts was something that she cared even less about now.

Her mother, however, was someone that Yaeko always wished to be in her life. Now, with so much uncertainty hanging in the air, even more.

A girl always needs her mother but when becoming one herself, the need to relate and feel understood made her miss the woman more than before.

If only things were a bit easier...