Dangerous Lines | Yuzuru Hanyu

19. His Feelings

It was a mistake to think she could merely ignore what had happened with Yuzu.

Just his little nicknames seemed to make her stomach turn.

Sure, her first instinct was to go on with her life and pretend as if nothing had happened.

At home, her husband's wariness soon ended up disappearing as the investigation kept him busy enough.

Unfortunately for Yaeko, who for once had her hopes of this being finally the time when they arrested him for good, the whole investigation seemed to be dying down.

Well, if anything, it worked on helping her maintain her morning routines for the weeks that went by.

The man in her dreams was present every time he could, merely missing the days that he couldn't work his schedule around it.

Yaeko was becoming more and more aware of how difficult it was for him to be there every time but never once did Yuzu complain. He wanted to be there, no matter the costs.

They didn't kiss again but the tension and little sneaky, teasing comments were ever so present.

One morning, the skater arrived at their table with dark eyes and a tired look that she recognized right away.

"Are you okay?"

For all that was worth, he couldn't always be the one worrying about her, the situation reversed sometimes.

"Just tired" he dismissed quickly.

If there were any doubts about how tired he was, the request for coffee as his drink of choice was too obvious to ignore.

"You should be resting."

"It's ok. I went home after practice to have a shower and came here. I will have time to rest later."

"Wait... Don't you practice at night?"

"Yes."

"You came straight from the rink?"

"I did."

Her wide eyes didn't seem to reach the skater. His usual perspective eyes didn't seem to be working when he was almost asleep on that table.

"What about sleep?"

A cheeky smile settled on his face, almost as if he was waiting for the question.

"I know you can only be here for a limited amount of time so I work around it. Hell would have to fall to make me miss you."

By now, Yaeko should have been used to the way he so easily used his words to shock her but it didn't work like that. She still felt as affected by them as the first time.

"I just don't want you to damage your health because of me."

"I'm not, I promise. It's just a few hours."

The sigh that left her didn't go unnoticed but Yuzu merely grabbed her hand and offered a small smile. He didn't want to worry her but it also seemed to be inevitable.

Could he blame her when he was the exact same?

The truth was that from the very first moment he knew of her story, Yuzuru worried sick. Just imagining what her life was inside of those walls made him shiver and worry.

As confident and willing to take the risk as he was, Yuzuru was still very much aware of the dangers that came with liking a married woman. It was only riskier that this particular woman was the wife of a powerful Yakuza member.

How she had been so strong for so long, he couldn't have known, but he still admired her deeply.

When he met her in Tokyo, Yaeko exuded a powerful energy that instantly drew him in. The days that followed had been filled with images of that unknown woman, consuming his every thought.

Maybe it had all been a coincidence, the way they met again in Sendai, but he couldn't simply ignore it.

So now they were in this impasse. Neither of them was able to pretend that nothing was there but also very aware of how wrong it was.

Yuzuru knew it well, he had never felt this compelled to a woman before and Yaeko held a strong leash on him, even without meaning to.
He would easily miss hours of sleep if it meant seeing her in the mornings and he would avoid leaving Sendai for that very same reason.

Yaeko didn't know how much she changed his routines and to be honest, maybe it was for the best.

The way he was compelled by her was certainly dangerous but all at the same time, he just wanted to give her the freedom and love she deserved.

He couldn't even begin to imagine the things she had seen, even the things she was subjected to.

It wasn't fair.

So if he could sacrifice sleep to put a smile on her beautiful face, then so be it.

Never once did she speak of her husband and Yuzu didn't ask either. It was kind of a forbidden subject that they both seemed to avoid mentioning.

Make no mistake, Yuzu was very relieved that the violent episode didn't repeat itself but it was also very easy to keep wariness about the subject. One single suspicion could make him lose it and that's something he wanted to avoid at all costs.

Even if every single cell in his body seemed to wish to claim this woman as his, Yuzuru kept everything as friendly as he could, despite all of the initial teasing.

And it was all fine when he could keep his fantasies and late dreams in his head.

One thing was certain, Yuzuru cared more about her than anyone ever before and if it came a time that he had to sacrifice his well-being for her, it seemed like he would be more than willing. And it wasn't even that bad considering all the benefits he got from it.

The way she smiled at him, the way she held his hand, the way she pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

It all made everything worth it.

And still, as much as he tried to ignore his fantasies, there was something else that made his heart skip a beat whenever he thought about her.

The thought of what would happen if they got caught.

To be honest, he had no idea. He didn't know if he could take the risk to the end, but he also didn't know if he could stand away from her.

He just hoped it never came to that.