My "Journal Of Random Things" (JORT)

6/8/24

Today It was an awesome day, but It quickly went from awesome to awful... I feel really alone right now... And It's so dark... I have a light literally In my eye, but yeah, It's dark...

So, I need to talk, don't worry, I'll be super quick... Okk, so first I need to say that I'm hating everything right now and I'm frustrated, also because I can't figure myself out and I'm a weirdo... And I hate It! I just wish I could be normal sometimes... And now!? Now maybe I figured out I'm probably Neurodivergent! I really have to say goodbye to normality right now! I can't even dream of It!!!

I FEEL SO DIFFERENT! I CAN'T STAND TV SHOWS with real people, I'm talkative, but I can't talk, 'cause I'm a shy and anxious person... AND I HATE IT!!!! I HATE BEING SHY!! I HATE IT!!!! Anxiety Is just a bonus, shyness Is my worst enemy!!!

I literally feel Suffering lyrics right now... Like...

Uhhmm...

Wait...

Like...

[EXTROVERT PART]:

Extrovert...
Extrovert...

[EXTROVERT PART]
Don't you miss me?

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
More than you know.

[EXTROVERT PART]
Then go on, talk, and have fun.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
Extrovert, I've told you this before.
You know I'm afraid of talking.

[EXTROVERT PART]
I'll make sure that you are safe and sound.
Come talk with me and our heart
and let's live happily at least.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
Oh, I would.
But I'd be suffering trying to make a good Impression the whole time.

[EXTROVERT PART]
I would take the suffering from you.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
Oh, as good as It sounds, right here I'm just fine.

[EXTROVERT PART]
I could take the suffering from you.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
You know that I prefer my mouth just shout.

[EXTROVERT PART]
I will take the suffering from you.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
Fine, but only If you answer a question or two.

[EXTROVERT PART, spoken]
Of course!

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART, spoken]
Okay, so let's say I was on the talking or approaching...
To, I don't know, a new friend...
And let's say they looked at me In a rude way, ignoring me or bullying me...

[EXTROVERT PART, spoken]
Oh no!

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
How am I to not think about them?
How am I to sleep?
Which way should I go?
Where I could I recover?

[EXTROVERT PART]
That though will chase you high and low.
So find a place they'd never go.
The one way you'll get rid of them...
Is going where they're scared to roam, oh
It's through your mind.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART, spoken]
No...

[EXTROVERT PART]
This is your only way to get rid of them.
Your mind.

[SHY/ANXIOUS PART]
But my mind has a cost.

[EXTROVERT PART]
Well, you asked and now you know.
Now go on and talk!