PLEASEEE... I need someone to talk about abandonment Issues with!!!
I'm literally writing this half-asleep because I'm In a state of not full-consciousness... I'm sorry...
This Is weird... I feel weird and uh, I want to talkkk!!!
Seriously, these days I'm feeling loneliness SOOOO much...
Alsooo... I need to share something with y'all...
Context: one of my best friends made a group to Invite me and our friend group to her birthday...
So, I...
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Translation: I'm coming.
I told her I'd come...
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She said this...
We'll call her... Uhmmm... "🍂"... To make It symple!!
Then...
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Translation: Coming.
Another one (we'll call her "🎶"), replied this, saying she was coming too!
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Translation: Yay.
Well, basically 🍂 was happy that 🎶 would come, but she was Indifferent when I told her the same earlier...
And then...
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Translation: Coming.
Translation: Goodie.
Another one (the last one, who we'll call "✨"), was also happy-
Like, It seemed like no one was nearly glad that I'd come, but they were happy that 🎶 came...
...
I hate favoritism...
AHAHAHAHA... It's always like I'm the third (forth In this case-) wheel...
NO ONE WANTS ME...
No one cares so much about me...
I really like my friends, but I want to change friend group... To RESTART...
Yes, I want to restart my life differently, but I don't want to lose this friends...
I just want someone who NEEDS me... That needs me as friend... SOMEONE that Is happy to have me and couldn't do anything without me...
BECAUSE I feel that way about EVERYONE... About all my friends... I feel like this!
Like, I only have six friends In real life and I'm already crying because I may not see school friend again, because next year well take different paths...
I'M LITERALLY CRYING AHEAD OF YEARS... I'M CRYING BECAUSE I MIGHT NOT SEE ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN 4 YEARS!!!
I'M CRYING... I'm... I'm scared of making friends, but I'm scared of being alone... I want friends, but I hate getting attached, because I know others don't consider me one of their closest friends just after one conversation...
DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
But yeah, things happen... I feel like Claudia when her father left her...
I literally want to leave my friends before they leave me, because that would hurt WAY more, but I won't...
Why? Well, because I care and that's because I care that I would like to leave them... I'm useless... But I CAN'T live without them, I'm afraid...
I'm sad... I want to see my friends, but at the same time, I don't, because I'm afraid I might feel sad... But... Ugh...
