My "Journal Of Random Things" (JORT)

20/10/24

Helloooo!

I forgot what to say, so I'm just gonna talk about my old Psychologist...

First of all, yeah, she was really kind and Inspiring, she would always cherish me and try to help me, but she couldn't.

That's because she didn't fully understand me...

You see, when there was a new student In my class, she told me I should've talked to her...

I couldn't.

I mean, I'm SO shy I can't even wave to say "Hi" to my friends!!!

Literally, I wait they wave at me... I couldn't do It myself...

Literally can wave first with my closest friends only, but not all of them...

Also, I only feel comfortable with people who literally tell me "Come with me, Sheila", because If they don't I literally go a different way...

I started to wait my friend at school just because no one waits for her and, honestly, I feel like waiting for the other Is a key factor In a friendship, because, If people don't wait for me, I feel like I'm not Important enough for them to waste some of their time for me...

Literally, friendship Is sharing your time with someone else and, If you're not willing to do, then you are basically using someone!

I'm not saying you need to dedicate every second of your life to a friend, because not everyone Is as envious as I am, but showing that you're alive sometimes would be enough ♥️♥️!!

OF COURSE, after someone knows you, they'll understand what kind of person you are...

Literally, I can't write or start a discussion first, because I'm just blocked...

Chiara knows It, so she does It for me, she asks things to the teacher for me...

Angelica knows It, so she Invites me, comes up with the Ideas to hang out and write me first...

I didn't use to be like this In Middle School...

Yess... I WAS SUPER SHY, but now It's an hundred times worse!!!

Now I also have social anxiety!!!

And you know what?

There are people with social anxiety who just talk REALLY fast when they feel anxious, but you know what!!?!!!

MY VOICE, MY LITERAL BODY... THEY BLOCKKK!!!

I can't speak, I lose my voice, my head starts spinning and IF people ask me something directly I like... Tremble, smile and I like... Stammer?

Moving towards someone Is Impossible for me, even If I know them!

Even worse, If I know them Is worse, because It means I'll surely see them again...

That, If people don't understand me, they don't get It, they think I'm rude, that I want to stay alone all time, while I'm just admiring them for everything, while wishing for a conversation...

Getting extremely envious of whom gets In way...

I even thought about dark magick, but I can't...

It's too dangerous... I don't want to take a path of darkness...

Okk, noww...

See you...!!