Daily Thoughts

Block

and today he blocked me.

And I've found some old papers from June that I've wrote right after our breakup.

06/14:

"Today, I broke up with him..... Maybe he gonna hate me for the rest of my life but atleast I won't be sad for hurting someone's feelings. He told me : " I've become cold since the incident, so text me or not, it's the same for me now " Like bro, I k now that you have a heart, and it hurts you, but it wasn't "something that I can control". And after all that, you said : " If you knew about all your circumstances then why did you do something that you are not able to do..?" Like bro, you accepted, so whyy did you said yes for being with me? Your reply was :                             "cause I couldn't say no to someone I love and he finally loved me."

And after he finnished hurting me with all this sentences, I asked to breakup with him because I couldn't handle all this shit and my heart was hurting me so much. I asked my friends if it was right to block you and they said yes immediately. So I blocked you, maybe I feel good a little bit. But nothing changed, it went even worse. 

You broke my heart for several times but I've never left you.

But at the end, I don't want to go and I don't want let you go, but I also know that you don't care anymore like you told me last time, " Sorry for hearing that from me, but I don't care anymore " , that's what you told me.

Fuck you why did you told me that you would stay forever and you won't go blah blah blah, no! 

You broke my heart bro, and after I told you that you broke my heart, what did you say...?

"Salma I didn't know that you have a heart too...... Stop your drama."

Yes, now I stopped the drama like you wanted and I became cold with you and I won't care anymore and I won't text you or even look at you again, I guess you hurted me a lot."

06/15:

"Fuck you bro, you are trying to forget me but I can't forget you. i'm trying to not remember but everything reminds me of you and I can't stop thinking about you even if yoiu don't care anymore."

And after that, I texted him again. Like an idiot. Yes. Like an idiot.

Because I was missing him.

But he hurted me again in the middle of the night. 

With his words.

That I will never forget.

But I still loving him.

And I have to hate him 

Cuz loving him is something toxic.