This Ain't A Fairytale- Lando Norris

13. We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon

"Right, come on." Hannah settled herself on the sofa beside Lando, cup of coffee in her hand. "Start talking."

He looked at her wearily, and for the first time she took in the dark circles under his eyes and just how tired he looked. Her fingers brushed through the curls on top of his head, lingering for a moment, as she waited for him to say something.

She waited patiently, watching him searching for the words. His eyes searched her face for a moment as though he may just find the answer there.

"I don't know what to do." He sighed. "I know I'm doing a shit job as husband, and her dad... I'm doing a shit job at work as well... I'm trying to split myself into so many pieces and be so many things for so many people and I just don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"Keep going." Hannah prompted gently, if he was finally going to talk she didn't want to interrupt him.

"I don't feel like I'm done, with racing." He sighed. "It's not been a great start this year, admittedly, but I know there's more I can do. But I need to knuckle down with the team to make it work and if I do that, it's more time away from you and Isla."

Hannah took a sip of her coffee, nodding quietly.

"I feel like I've missed out on so much already, she's so grown up and I haven't been here for any of it." He shook his head. "I can't go back in time and change it, but I need to try and do something to make sure I don't keep missing it. I don't want her to hate me for not being there."

"She doesn't hate you." Hannah shook her head. "I know she's not old enough to understand yet and it does confuse her with all the coming and going, but you should see her face when she sees you on the tv. She's always so excited to watch you. It's probably the only time she ever sits still for more than ten minutes at a time when we watch you race."

"I know you think I'm having the time of my life travelling around, that I don't come home because I don't want to, that I'd rather stay and play golf and do whatever but it's not true." His voice wavered as he blinked back the tears that threatened again. "It's lonely, Han. Most of the time it's just me, sat in a hotel room on my own, in a completely different time zone to you guys and wishing I was here."

He took a breath before he continued. "Yeah, I'll go and play golf with Carlos and whatever because it's a distraction. It stops me sitting there thinking about the fact I should be here. But I still spend the whole time thinking about the fact I should be here with you."

"I'm sorry, for what I said in Miami." Hannah sighed. "It's just been so, so hard. I knew it was going to be hard on us... but I had no idea it was going to be quite this difficult."

"Me neither." Lando admitted. "I'm trying, Hannah. I'm doing the best I can."

"Me too." Hannah nodded. "This is new, for both of us. We're not going to get it right every time. We just have to figure out a way to compromise and make it work for us, our relationship, our careers and our daughter."

"You make it sound so easy." Lando muttered.

"I think it'll be anything but easy." Hannah admitted. "But we have to try."

"I spoke to Zak, before I came home. Told him I need to find a way to be home more, if I'm going to sign a new contract."

"What did he say?" Hannah asked.

"That's he'd try." Lando shrugged. "He said he understands... I don't know what he can do to make it any easier really, but maybe he'll come up with something."

"And if he doesn't?" Hannah asked reluctantly.

"I don't know." Lando admitted. "I was kind of hedging my bets that they'll want to keep me enough to find a way to make it work."