Finding Peace

The First Signs

One weekend, Jude was alone in his room, quietly applying skin cream to old scars when he heard a knock on the door. It opened slightly, and Clay peeked his head in. "Hey, you in here?" he asked before fully walking in, closing the door behind him, and approaching Jude.

Clay noticed how Jude became quiet as soon as he arrived. He raised an eyebrow and approached him. "What're you doing?" he asked, noticing the cream on Jude's arms. "Oh..." he murmured, recognizing the purpose of the cream. He remained silent for a moment before sitting down next to Jude.

"I'll be done in a minute," Jude said, glancing up. "I have... recently started to take better care of myself."

Clay hummed in response and watched Jude apply the cream. "That's good. You should take care of yourself more often," he said, trying to keep his tone supportive without sounding overprotective.

He noticed the faint old scars on Jude's arms and bit the inside of his cheek, unable to keep his eyes from lingering on them. After a moment, he looked away, focusing on the floor instead. "How old are those?" he asked quietly.

"Year or so.." he replied back very quietly. Clay silently looked at Jude, his response was almost expected but still painful for Clay to hear. "Mm..." Clay hummed, trying to keep his expression neutral. "And why... did you do this?" he asked, looking back at the scars.

Jude sighed softly. "Over stress, maybe. I don't know."

Clay's expression grew more concerned. "That doesn't really answer my question, though. Why resort to this?" he asked again, gently taking Jude's free hand in his own.

Jude looked at him. "I needed some way to feel something. Sometimes to just punish myself for not being enough."

Hearing this made Clay look pained and saddened. He gently rubbed the back of Jude's hand with his thumb. "Punish yourself for not being enough?" he repeated, a mix of sadness and a hint of disappointment in his voice. "You don't need to do that, dumbass..."

Jude smiled slightly. "I was an idiotic kid."

Clay scoffed, shaking his head slightly. "Yeah, you were a pretty damn idiotic kid but you were also a kid." His voice held a hint of affection and love. He continued to gently rub the back of Jude's hand, not breaking eye contact. "You still shouldn't hurt yourself though."