Blood For Blood - A Kellic Fanfiction

Eight. Here We Go

This will always be mine,

So much more than just a dream to me,

I will never be fine,

With letting you ruin everything.

KELLIN'S POV

Over the next few days, I can't help but think of Katelynne. One night I have a nightmare - the same nightmare I had before: the flashback to when I killed her. I wake up writhing in a cold sweat and hyperventilating. I feel like I'm going to explode. There's no air...no air in here. Where has the air gone?!

Is the window open? Is that why I'm so cold? But I'm sweating. Half of me feels hot and the other half feels cold. Katelynne...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What have I done?

My lungs are shrinking, killing me from the inside out. This room is too small. I'm going to faint. I'm going to die. KATELYNNE...

"Now, whenever you get these thoughts about your girlfriend, I want you to picture this purple equilateral triangle. I don't want you to push the thoughts away. There is nothing wrong with the triangle being there, okay? So I want you to think, I'm having thoughts about my girlfriend, and the triangle is there, and it's okay. Embrace the triangle. It's okay that it's there. Will you do that for me?"

In my tormented state, I tell myself to break through. Get a grip, Kellin. You can do this.

I'm having thoughts about my girlfriend.

I close my eyes.

The triangle is there.

I picture the dark purple equilateral triangle.

It's okay.

The triangle is the only thing I think of, and I concentrate on steadying my breathing.

Keep it steady, keep it steady, steady...

When I open my eyes, I'm at peace. It worked! I smile and hug myself. I did it. Vic was right! I imagine striding into his office and telling him it worked...

"Vic," I say. He turns around.

"Hi, Kellin," he smiles. "Did you try the triangle thing?"

"Yeah, and it worked!"

"That's fantastic!" His smile turns into a beam, and he comes towards me. "Well done, Kellin. I'm so proud of you."

And he hugs me...

I shake my head. Why the hell am I having a fantasy about my therapist that I've only seen once? I guess I just want someone to give me a nice warm hug. I don't want to be lonely forever.

But Katelynne is ruining my life. I ended hers, now she comes back to ruin mine. I guess we're equals now.

~

The next week, I make my way to the psychological centre and take a seat at the magazine table, like I'd done last week. I notice a new magazine on the table: Cocktail magazine. I've seen it around but never really looked in it. It's made by the same company as Juice magazine; Cocktail is the same sort of thing, but a gay version. It's got male models instead of female models. Because I've got nothing else to do, I flip through Cocktail magazine. For some reason, I find myself feeling the way I should've felt when I looked in Juice magazine last week. I'm more attracted to these guys than I was to the girls. They're all shirtless and they have great toned bodies and beautiful eyes that make me want to...

"Mr Bostwick, Dr Fuentes will see you now," says the woman at the counter.

Blushing, I put down Cocktail magazine and arrive at Vic's door.

"Come in," he cooes.

I enter his office and smile at his presence.

"Hello Kellin," he smiles. "Take a seat."

I sit opposite him at the coffee table.

"So," he says. "Did you try the triangle method?"

"Yeah," I say. "And it worked."

"I knew it would," Vic replies, looking satisfied with himself. "Well done, Kellin."

We sit there, smiling at each other, for a few moments.

Suddenly, a question pops into my head, and I randomly ask him:

"Vic, do you have something that you want to erase from your life?"

I don't know why I'm asking - I guess I'm just interested to know. He looks a bit thrown by this random question, and he thinks to himself.

"I think everyone does," he says slowly.