𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄 ~ | 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘓𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘤

XIV

Chapter Fourteen: 

~ You won't believe this false hope ~

Italics = Charles's POV 

I hate him.

I hate the way he's still always in my mind. The way his smile still brings warmth to the cold corners of my thoughts. I hate the way I can't seem to shake him off. Like a stubborn stain, he's everywhere, seeping into every memory, every moment that was once mine alone.

She is everywhere. My mind, my heart, my dreams. It's like a part of me has been ripped away, leaving a gaping wound that won't heal. I'm bleeding.

I hated him. I did.

I hated how he used to hum to himself. How he used to laugh at my weird laugh. How he'd always leave the toothpaste cap off and never knew why it was a problem. I hated when he watched me, like he was trying to memorize every freckle on my face.

I missed her laugh. The way it bubbled up from her chest, unrestrained and infectious. I missed the way she'd bite her lip when she was nervous, how she'd tuck her hair behind her ear when she was lost in thought.

I loved the way she used to blush when I teased her. The way her eyes would light up when she talked about her dreams. The way only her breathing was enough to calm me down when I would fall into my old patterns of panic.

Fuck. I missed those little sounds she would make when I kissed her neck.

I hated that I could still remember the feel of his lips on my neck. Fuck, I hated that I missed him.

I missed her more with every night I was forced to spend without her. In the empty bed that had felt cold for so long before her.

But most of all I hated that I couldn't hate him. Not even a little bit.

I couldn't unlove her. Not even if I tried.

I had been trying to take care of myself. To not lose myself in the pain of losing the one person I was so lost in.

I hadn't talked to him since it happened.

I hadn't even talked to Daniel. I couldn't. Lando too.

They all knew.

They knew about the bet. And did nothing. They... helped him.

I knew she was hurting. Every day without her felt like a year. I wanted to talk to her. To be near her again. But the fear of losing her completely held me back.

They had tried to talk to me, tried to apologize, but it didn't matter. I knew that I would someday be able to forgive them, but that day was not today. And it wouldn't be tomorrow.

What hurt the most was seeing him so happy. I would see him smile, laugh, and joke around with the team. With the others. He seems so... normal. Unaffected by the very same thing that was tearing me apart.

It's hard to keep the mask on.

As soon as I'm away from the eyes and cameras, I take it off. I break down. I can't keep holding myself together when all I want is to fall apart. In her arms.

He had fallen right back into his old patterns. Just as I had predicted, he had a new girl on his arm within the month. And then another. Paparazzi pictures of him making out with random girls in clubs, most of them sent to me by Ethan, was like pouring salt on an open wound.