Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 1

Life is full of cruel twists of fate. Sometimes those twists are happens-chance; no one knew it would happen, they didn't really deserve it, but it happened and now they have to keep moving, picking up the pieces along the way. Those are the lucky ones. Then there are the twists that no one can fix because they sort of just build and build while people pretend they don't exist until all of a sudden the rope snaps and it leaves one winded, but in a sense, less so because they saw them coming from the start. There are just things that start to show little by little and someone gets this feeling like something's wrong, and then, whoosh, everything's different and it can't be fixed because nothing's actually broken, it's just... wrong. 

"She has no right! Just look how thin and malnourished he is!"

I have always wondered if there was a way I could have prevented everything. Running away, stealing money to pay the bills... suicide, maybe, if I had the courage. I had plenty of theories. All of them would have been better than living with a distant, drunk mother who saw me as a nuisance more than a son. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never been born. I was the reason my parents split up, the reason my mother was unable to pay the bills on the house. My mom even almost died giving birth to me. After all I had caused to my own family, I didn't really have any right to be alive. My mom knew that, that's why she treated me like I didn't belong in her home. My dad knew that, that's why he left me with her in the first place. But most importantly, I knew that, that was why I kept my head down when I needed to, and my mouth shut. The least I could do was acknowledge my own wrong existence and try to make amends. 

"With all due respect, you had the chance to take custody after yours and Mrs. Green's divorce, but you didn't. You chose to release all custody to Mrs. Green. How does that make you any better a guardian?"

I only had one reason to enjoy life, one redeeming element in my life that gave me courage to keep up the facade. A friend, my best friend. But that friendship turned into a lie and any hope of redemtion turned away with it. It was just fake and I regretted ever thinking I could make it work.

*******

"Want to hang out this friday?" I asked.

"Why not hang out now?" My best and only friend, Connor, slung an arm over my shoulders. "We have plenty of time, right? Your parents aren't home."

I hesitated, knowing he had things in mind that I would rather not do. I began to protest. "Yeah but-"

Connor didn't let me finish."Come on, let's go!" He grabbed my arm and tugged me towards my house, grinning. My stomach churned unpleasantly. I hated when he came over, I didn't want to go. But I couldn't protest and let him pull me along until we made it back to my mom's place.

"When will your mom get back?" he asked as he pushed me inside and closed the door.

"Probably a couple hours..." I said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Good," Connor said, and he shoved me into my room. I tried to avoid the bed, but he was still holing my arm and easily pinned me down. I looked away, ashamed and embarrassed that I could find my voice to tell him no as he kissed up my neck and tugged to get my shirt off.

I hated this. My throat itched uncomfortably where he had kissed the skin and my chest hurt where his hands touched. I didn't want it this way; it wasn't real. This thing we did was nothing but a lie. I had agreed to being in this sort of relationship with the hopes of feeling loved and cared for, something I never recieved from anyone else. But there was no love behind it, just lust and greed. It didn't work.

"Hey, are you paying attention?" Connor asked.

I glanced at Connor realizing I had been lost in my thoughts."Yeah. I was just thinking," I said.