Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 5

"So, what are you doing this weekend?" Ryan asked. "Anything in particular?"

"Not really," I said. "But I don't want to hang out."

We were in the library together where Ryan had dragged me after school that day. He had said we were going to study and do homework, so I was trying to concentrate on my homework. Unfortunately, Ryan seemed to not notice that fact and kept trying to talk to me.

He gave an overdramatic sigh. "I thought we were past this," he said. "You talk to me, but you never want to go have fun with me."

I shrugged, highlighting a section in my textbook. "Sorry. I don't do well with people," I said and turned back to my homework.

"But, you're talking to me right now. What makes going to another building any different?" he asked. I ignored him and kept memorizing algebraic functions. He bit his lip, a habit I had noticed he does when he is thinking, and narrowed his eyes with a challenge. "What if I could get us into a water park?"

"It's the middle of winter," I said without looking away from my book.

"Amusement park," he tried.

"Not into heights," I told him.

"A whole old house for us to spend the night in alone, scaring the crap out of each other by pulling pranks!" he said, waving his arms for dramatic effect.

I sighed and set my highlighter down. "Ryan, I really don't want to and no amount of bribery will make me change my mind. The only thing you can offer me right now is peace and quiet to do my homework," I said.

He blew his hair out of eyes with a huff and leaned his elbows on the table. He fluttered his eyelashes at me and stuck his lip way out like a child when they want something really bad and the adults keep telling them no. "Pleeeaaase?" he begged.

I wasn't swayed. "No," I said.

His face dropped and he stuck his tongue out. "You're no fun," he said.

"Then go hang out with someone else. I'm busy anyways," I muttered.

To be honest, I didn't really want him to leave. I had found over the past week that no one, besides Ryan, wanted to hang out with the 'crippled kid', as I had heard many of them call me. Though I had told them nothing about myself, it was like they knew about my past and thought I was bad luck or something. Not that I wanted to be their friends anyways. Anyone who spread rumors about others weren't worth the friendship they offered. 

I didn't realize I was clenching my teeth in annoyance until Ryan poked my arm. "You okay? You look like a bull that sees red," he said.

I relaxed my hands and shook my head. "Sorry. I was just thinking," I said.

"About what?" he asked.

I hesitated. "Stuff," I told him.

"What stuff?"

"Personal stuff," I said, trying to lay the big hint that I didn't want to talk about it. He didn't get the hint.

"Like what?" he questioned.

I glared at him. "Are you sure you're older than me?" I asked.

He chuckled and shrugged. "I was just trying to get you to act like yourself again." He smiled lightly. "I succeeded too."

I rolled my eyes and turned away. I didn't turn away because I was annoyed though, I turned away because of his damn smile. During the time I had been with Connor, I had come to the conclusion that I was gay. During that same time, I had come to the second conclusion that I would never give myself away to another man. However, like many thing Ryan tended to do, his smile crushed that resolve in one fell swoop. He'd showed that same smile several times during the past week and I had begun to blush when I saw it. I thought it was a sweet and genuine smile, two things I had begun to think were made-up ideologies.