Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 16

Ryan stared at me, the expression on his face completely unreadable. I felt a lump in my throat and suddenly wished I could take everything back. Maybe I couldn't do this the way I thought I could. Then Ryan pulled me into his arms, shaking his head into my neck as he begged me to say it again. "Please, tell if you really mean that..." he said. "Please..."

I tried to swallow, but my throat felt as though it had been filled with sand. "I mean it. I mean every word."

"Please... I don't want-..." I heard Ryan pause before he choked back a sob. "I don't want this to be a lie..."

I hugged him back, clutching his shirt tightly because I knew I couldn't do this if he was looking directly at me. "I love you, Ryan. If you really want me," I said, "I'll give you a chance."

Ryan pulled away, an action I loathed less when I saw I wasn't the only one close to tears, and tried to make himself look more presentable. "You don't know how much this means to me," he said. His cleared his voice. "I promise to never hurt you and I will never do anything you don't like."

I laughed even though the situation was so serious. "I already knew that," I said. "Just promise me one thing."

"What?" he asked. "Anything."

"Please, whatever you do... Just hold me close," I begged. I was pleading with my eyes as I stared at him hopefully. "That's all I want..."

Ryan seemed to see this request as strange, bit he nodded firmly. He pulled me into a final hug and sniffled into my hair, squeezing me tight. When he pulled away, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me so passionately that I felt the world just melt away around us. It just Ryan and I on this porch, just Ryan and I together. Ryan pulled away and he stared me in the eyes, a teary smile on his face. "Always..." he swore.

*******

I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling of my room. I had been too emotional to stay at Ryan's house, so I'd ended up going home. As reluctant as I was, being so nervous and all, I let Ryan walk me back to my dad's house. He kissed me goodnight and told me he loved me before waving to me with the biggest smile I had ever seen, all the way around the corner.

I felt so relieved. Everything in the world felt right. After Connor and my mom, I never thought I'd feel this way towards anyone. It was so amazing and all because of the few words that I had been able to say

"Ryan, I can't live without you. And I don't want to."

I felt my face heat up at the memory and I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. I had been so scared. I never wanted those words to come from my mouth, I actually thought I'd die before I let my feelings out. I smiled into my pillow despite knowing I had been wrong to think that. I had never been this happy. After all my life had thrown at me, a happy ending had seemed so impossible. Yet, here I was. In the perfect relationship that not even Connor could-

Suddenly, my happiness drained out of me and I went limp on my bed. I hadn't told Connor yet. I hadn't seen him in a week, not since the day Ryan and he met, but I was sure he still thought we were together. At the very least, he probably wasn't finished with me yet. If he found out Ryan and I were going out, there was no telling what he'd do to me, not to mention Ryan.

I sat up quickly, knowing I had to do something before things fell apart on their own. Ryan was tough, but Connor was larger, stronger, and older than him. Ryan couldn't fight him. I wouldn't let Ryan fight him. I knew what it was like on the receiving side of Connor's anger and I would never Ryan feel that.

Though it turned my stomach to do so, I grabbed my phone and searched for Connor's number. I had to deal with this myself. I would just tell him not to come around anymore. Simple, no big deal. Just a phone call and a short conversation that I would cut short if it got violent.

I dialed his number and put the phone to my ear, almost hoping I could just leave a message. It rang twice before the line picked up. "Hello?" Connor said.

I swallowed nervously. "Connor?" I said. "It's Jacob."

There was a pause, longer than was probably safe. "What's up?" he finally said. "Were you hoping to meet up or something?" I could hear his voice was sharp. He was mad.

I shook my head, though he couldn't see it. "No, I was just calling to tell you that I don't want you to come around anymore," I said.

Another pause."What?"

I took a deep breath and tried again. "I don't want to see you," I said. "Please, stay away from-"

The call was cut off in the middle of my sentence and I blinked. I pulled my phone away from my ear to stare at it. He hung up on me. I let out a breath I was unaware I had been holding, and dropped my phone onto my bed, falling back onto my pillow with a sigh. I guess that was the end. But it felt too easy.

I sighed again, more forcefully, and shook my head. I was over thinking it. Connor was gone. He was out of my life for good. I turned over and switched off the light on my nightstand. Then I crawled under my blankets and drifted off into a light sleep. However, I wasn't sleeping for long when a light knock on my door woke me to the darkness of my room. "Hey, Jacob?" my dad called. "You have a friend waiting for you. He's by the front door."

Rubbing my eyes, I sat up, my eyebrows coming together. Ryan? Did I forget something at his house or something? It was so late, I wondered why he would feel the need to return something to me in the middle of the night. Stumbling out of bed, I poked my head out. "Who is it?" I asked.

My dad shrugged. "You don't tell me about any of your friends," he said.

I sighed and hurried downstairs. I probably did just forge something and he was bringing it to me. Or he was just being a nerd and was trying to find any way he could to see me, a fantasy idea that I would happily accept. I smiled to myself as I thought about the second idea. He was so sweet. I opened the door and started to speak, prepared to tell him so, when I stopped and stared at Connor, my smile slipping away. His eyes were dark and he was leaning against a column holding the porch roof up, arms crossed. I stepped back and almost tripped over the front matt. "Connor... What are you doing here?" I asked.

He grabbed my arm and squeezed painfully. "We're going to go talk," he told me.

I winced and tried to pulled away, my fear spiking to unimaginable levels. "But, I told you-" I started.

"We're going to go talk," Connor repeated, voice like steel as he emphasized each word. 

His eyes looked scary and I didn't even know how to stop myself as I nodded hastily and turned back to the house. "H-hey, dad," I called. "I'll be out for a bit."

"It's past midnight," he called back. I begged him to tell me I couldn't leave, but then he added, "Just make sure you're home early enough tomorrow to finish any homework you have."

My head sank. "Okay," I said.

After I closed the door, Connor pulled me out of the house and towards his car, leading me to the passenger side and opening the door. "Get in," he said. I hesitate and he shoved me forward angrily. "Now," he demanded.

I swallowed back the scream bubbling up in my throat and climbed in. Connor closed the door with a slam that made me flinch. Then he stormed around to the other side and got in, starting the car and pulling away from the curb. In such close quarters, I could feel the rage pouring off him in waves and I shrunk away from him as the car began to move. I stared longingly at the house in the review mirror as we got father away. Ryan, I thought, please save me.

*******

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