Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 9

I walked home slowly, the sun low in the sky behind me. Just as Ryan had promised, he pointed out the time when it got to be about 5:00ish, and didn't make any fuss about me leaving. I had almost expected him to protest as I was headed out the door, but he did not. He respectfully waved me bye and told me to text him when I got home so he knew I was doing my homework and could ask me for help on his. 

I was almost home and the sun wasn't even completely gone yet, but somehow, I felt reluctant to return. Should I stall, I wondered. The only reason I wanted to be home by dark was so that I could do my homework and get it done by Monday. My dad did not fit into the equation and I didn't want to have to try to work him in. I wished I remembered what time my dad went to bed, but I'd only been living with him for a few weeks. I hadn't had the chance to map his schedule. Either way, it wasn't even completely dark yet so he was bound to still be up.

Thinking of my dad, I glanced at my phone. I hadn't checked my messages since I left the house the night before. When I unlocked m phone I saw I had thirteen missed calls and nineteen unopened texts, all of which were from my dad. I decided to wait a bit before going home and sat down at the park to read the texts. Guilt crept into my chest as I read.

9:43pm: "Please, come back, Jacob. We can about talk things."

12:11am: "Jacob, it's  getting late. I'm sorry about pushing you, just come home."

2:17am: "Don't ignore me, Jacob. It's past midnight. You need to come home. I won't bug you anymore. I promise."

5:37am: "I'm worried about you, Jacob. You've been gone all night. Please, come home. I just want to apologize."

There was a break in time and I asumed he must have fallen asleep while trying to wait for me to get home. The next message came much later at 2:03pm: "Are you okay? You haven't answered any of my calls and you're not replying to my texts. I'm really worried. I didn't mean to upset you. If you feel uncomfortable about a topic just tell me. I'm here for you ,but I don't want to push you. Please, just believe me."

I skipped through most of the others and read the last one he sent which had been only a few minutes before. 7:46pm: "I'm sorry, Jacob."

I scoffed and stuffed my phone in my pocket, trying to ignore it overwhelming feeling that was swelling in my throat and making it hard to breathe. "'Sorry' my ass," I muttered. No one was ever really sorry. It was just a word people used to try and tell someone what they want to hear so they'd forget what that person did to hurt them in the first place. It's a lie invented for the scum of this world to fool other scum. Still, I choked on the thought that my dad had waited for me. 

I walked towards home and stepped up onto the porch. I raised my hand to grab the door knob, but I hesitated. Was he still awake? Would I have to face him? I bit the inside of my cheek and contemplated the possibilities of crawling in though a second story window instead; that was unlikely. In the end, I shook away my anxiety and pushed open the front door quickly.

As soon as I stepped inside, I saw my dad pacing the living room with a mug of coffee in one hand and his phone in the other. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked very drained. I swallowed nervously and closed the front door, clearing my throat. He looked up and his eyes filled with relief when he saw me. He practically dropped the mug on the coffee table, resulting in spilled coffee, and rushed over to me. I flinched and tensed up as he pulled me into a tight embrace. "I thought you weren't going to come back..." he whispered into my hair, the relief evident in his voice.

I shivered at the close contact and tried to squirm away. "Well, I'm back, so please let go," I said stiffly. He pulled away and held me at arms length, gazing at me as if he couldn't believe I was home. His eyes were moist and I couldn't help the lump that lodged in my own throat when I saw how upset he was.

He took a deep breath and let go. "I'm sorry for what I said," he told me. "I never meant to upset you."

I resisted the urge to rub at my shoulders where his hands had been, ignoring the memory of bigger hands squeezing painfully. "It's fine. Just forget it," I said.

I moved to walk around him to get to the stairs, but he grabbed my arm. "Wait," he said.

I worked my jaw instead of snapping at him as I pulled my arm away. "Sorry, I have homework to do. Just tell me later," I said. With that, I hurried up the stairs without another glance. I was worried he would follow me, but he didn't. He let me go without pressing me to talk to him. Though I hadn't expected that, I was endlessly grateful for it. The second I closed my door I let out a sigh and wiped sweat from my forehead. "Glad that's over..." I mumbled as I crossed my room and sat down at my desk.

I concentrated my thoughts on algebra and molecules for a good hour and a half before I dropped my pencil and leaned back in my chair, rubbing my tired eyes. I knew I shouldn't have stayed out so late with Ryan. I was too tired to continue, so I closed my books and stood up. I'd finish tomorrow.

After putting everything away, I slipped into some comfortable sleepwear and sat down on my bed. I had decided it was too hot to sleep with a shirt on and sat topless with my legs crossed in front of me. I couldn't help a glance in the mirror as I remembered Ryan's lean, toned, shirtless form. He was more muscular than I, but I found that only seemed to make me blush more. Why was I so distracted by him? I didn't know, and not knowing things was something I didn't do well with. When someone lived in such an unpredictable household as I had, one tended to veer towards the things they knew and avoid the things they couldn't understand.

Realizing I had been looking in the mirror for more than was sanely necessary, I shook my head quickly and flicked off the light, rolling away from my mirror and closing my eyes. The room grew quiet thought about how peaceful I had felt at Ryan's place. This quiet wasn't the same. It was an eerie quiet that people hear in horror movies or nightmares; it was unsettling. It made me want to turn all the lights on and sleep with loud music playing to keep the ringing away.

However, I didn't do that and just pulled the blanket over my head, squeezing my eyes closed. I wasn't afraid of the dark. I had no reason to feel scared. I was making things up and freaking myself out over nothing. I had done it before, I was doing it again. I took shallow puffs of air as I told myself to relax.

Suddenly, there was a tap on my window and I almost screamed. I sat up immediately and stared at my window. There was another tap and I realized someone was throwing rocks at my window pane. My eyes narrowed. If that was Ryan, he was gonna die. Turning my lamp on, I stormed over to the window and yanked the shades up. With a glance outside, I could see someone standing below my window. They waved at me, but it was too dark to see who it was clearly.

I poked my head out my door and was relieved to hear my dad's steady snoring from down the hall. He had probably gone to bed earlier than normal from his late night the evening before. I hurried downstairs and to the front door, but I gave a momentary hesitation. I didn't know for sure that the person standing below my window had been Ryan, but he was the only person who it could be, I reasoned. Why was he here so late?

I shook my head and pulled the front door open, preparing to scold him for bothering me so late at night. However, the second my head passed the threshold, something touched my lips. I jerked my head back quickly. Then my brain shorted out and I blinked rapidly. "C-... Connor?" I said.

My previous best friend/boyfriend grinned. "Hey, Jacob. Feels like it's been forever since I last saw you. How's it going?" he asked.

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