Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 20

"No. Just no. You know what she did to me! What her sick boyfriends did to me!" I said, growing more an more agitated by the second. I shuddered at the thought of the many, many times I had been the subject of abuse between the men that mother decided to harbor for money. "I will never accept this," I said.

My dad sighed, obviously tired of the back and forth. "Jacob, I know how you feel about this, but we've been going out for a couple of weeks now and we've been talking," he said. "You need a mother."

"No, I don't," I snapped back.

"Your mother has been doing much better. She's not dinking anymore and she's trying to come clean. Just give her a chance," he urged.

"No fucking way," I growled.

My dad's eyes flashed with anger then and he crossed his arms. "Watch your language, Jacob," he said sharply. It was the first time I'd ever seen him mad and I stepped back in surprise. My dad saw my shock and he sighed again, brushing his hair out of his face. "I'm not arguing about this anymore. You have a friend over and I have things to do. You will welcome your mother with open arms and be nice to her," he said.

I snorted. "Like hell I will," I told him as I headed for the door to my father's study where we had taken out conversation to be behind closed doors, slamming it on my way out.

Ryan stood awkwardly several feet away from my mother by the stairs when I entered the hallway, and I grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the front door insistently. He frowned at me. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm not staying in this house right now. I don't want to be anywhere near her," I said as I passed my mother, pointedly sending her a nasty look of distrust. She returned the favor with the familiar narrowed eyes that suited her far more than the fake smiles she had probably been giving my dad.

As I left the house and started in any direction that was away from my dad's house, I let go of Ryan so I could walk away faster. Ryan ran to keep up. "That was your mother?" he asked.

That thought was revolting. "No, that's the demon who just so happens to be the creature to give me birth. She's not a mother in any sense of the word," I said. I fought to keep my shaken voice steady as I hugged myself to keep warm when a chilly blast of air hit us. "Why did she have to come back...?" I murmured.

Ryan walked next to me silently, his eyes on the ground. Finally, I needed to stop, my legs were getting heavy as the cold plus our fast pace finally sunk in. We made it to the park and I veered off to sat down on a swing. Ryan stood near me, his expression showing concern but confusion as he decided whether or not to speak. I sat with my back to him, not wanting him to see my break down. I couldn't help it, I was stressed, and crying was just a natural response to that. However, it was still embarrassing to be seen in such a state.

Ryan still saw it and he didn't hesitate before he slipped his arms around my neck and leaned against me. "I can't say I know what's going on, but I'm here for you," he whispered.

I reached up with one hand and took his tightly. "Just stupid crap," I croaked. ''It's nothing I can't handle by myself."

He nodded slowly, squeezing my hand. "You're right... but you don't have to. You've delt with things on your own all your life. Let someone help you this time," he said.

I chose not to mention the last time I had let someone help me, and instead, smiled at him as warmly as I could. "Yeah," he said. "I know..."

He smiled and kissed me softly. "It's what you need, and what you need is what I want," he told me.

I closed my eyes and let him swing me back and forth gently on the swing, wrapped up in the warmth of his arms. I forgot about the cold and concentrated on falling asleep in Ryan's embrace. My mom almost slipped from my mind entirely if she hadn't been the thing that was about to ruin the world I had begun to live in for only a month. The almost good world that I had somehow been given to keep; I couldn't keep it for much longer.