Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 37

Shortly after our dance session, Ryan paided the bill, despite my offer to help, and practically dragged me out of the restaurant with him. I couldn't help smiling at seeing him so eager about something. We ran along the streets of the city, hands clasped so we wouldn't lose each other in the large crowds of people walking the other direction. Every so often Ryan would slow down and point out something pretty as we walked, like a skyscraper he had visited with his dad when it was first built, or a café his mom and him enjoyed. He seemed to know alot about the city, much more than I, and I liked hearing about the things he knew.

As we walked around, Ryan stopped me by a little pond in the middle of the park were we in. I gazed at it as some colorful lights hanging from the trees above us lit the pond in a beautiful rainbow of colors. "Wow..." I murmured.

Ryan lead me to a bench and we sat down, my head resting on Ryan's shoulder as I gazed about the park. It was somehow more enchanting at night than it ever could have been during the day. The air was light, and we sat in silence for a long time. Then Ryan said, "I have something for you."

"Oh?" I looked up at him, smiling.

He returned the smile. "Remember how those thugs took all our stuff when they kidnapped us?" he asked. I nodded and he pulled something out of his pocket. "Well, I went and asked if I could look through the stuff the police found when they rescued us."

He held out his hand and my eyes widened. "Ryan..." I said, amazed to a loss of words.

Ryan's smile widened. "Apparently those guys were going to sell it or something. The police said it was okay if I took it even though it was under evidence," he said.

In Ryan's palm was the mostly plain silver ring with the strip of black running around the middle. My eyes welled up as I thought about what he probably went through to get it back for me and I hugged him tightly. "Thank you," I said.

He chuckled and hugged me back. Then he pulled away and slipped the ring back onto my finger where it belonged. I felt the cold metal on my skin and sighed inwardly at the relief it brought to have it back. I looked up at Ryan and kissed his lips gently. He tensed for a second, as if not expecting this, before he seemed to make up his mind and leaned towards me to keep from letting the kiss end. He tangled his fingers in my hair as I gripped his shirt, our bodies growing closer and closer until, suddenly, he pulled away abruptly, standing up and walking a few feet away from the bench. I frowned. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He didn't look at me as he ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry. I almost lost control again," he said quietly.

I stood up to follow him towards the pond. "What are you talking about?" I asked as I walked up behind him.

He shook his head. "I can't control myself in front of you. Ever since everything happened, I'm afraid I'll hurt you again..." he said. "I don't want to be that controlling person you ran away from."

I put my hand on his back and my heart just ached as I felt him shaking under my palm. "Ryan, you're not going to hurt me. I know you wouldn't do that," I said.

He didn't reply, so I took his hand and pulled him behind some trees to make sure we weren't seen by any passersby. He frowned as I took a deep breath and laid on my back in the grass. "What are you doing?" he asked.

I kept my eyes closed, mainly so I wouldn't have to make eye contact. "Do anything you want. I'm not scared and I know you'd never hurt me," I told him.

He was so silent for the longest time that I wondered if I'd done something wrong. I was just about to open my eyes to peek at him when I heard him shifting around in the grass beside me. I could feel his body heat lean over me as he nelt down and moved closer. His face was so close I had to restrain myself from reaching up and wrapping my arms around him. After what felt like a million years, I finally felt the familiar gentle touch as his fingers stroked my cheek. Then his head nuzzled into my neck as he sighed. "Are you sure?" he asked.

I smiled and opened my eyes so I could gaze at him. "I'm sure," I said.

He hesitated one last time before he sat up slowly, pulling me up with him. Holding my hands, he kissed down my neck. I tilted my head as the small brushes from his lips tingled on my skin. His hands were lightly sliding under my shirt and my eyes drooped a little at their warmth. I leaned against him and closed my eyes. "Hm..." I murmured as Ryan's hands massaged my lower back. He lifted my shirt over my head and his eyes moved to look at my side. "Does it still hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head and he looked relieved. He touched it gently with the pads of his fingers and I saw him frown at the bumps of healing, pink flesh. I put my hand over his and smiled sadly as the grass between us. "Sorry if it bothers you. It's not pretty, but I hope it's not too bad," I said.

He shook his head and kissed me gently. "It doesn't bother me. Everything about you is beautiful..." he told me.

I blushed and suddenly felt very awkward. I was the only one slightly undressed and it felt wrong. I tugged on Ryan's shirt as he massaged circles into my palms. He hesitated. I pulled a little harder and he finally lifted his arms so I could pull his shirt over his head.

As my gaze dropped to his chest, my stomach twisted into knots. He had scars all over him, ones he hadn't had before. Some looked like they'd been made by a burn or something, while others were actual teeth marks lining his sides. I brushed my hand over one of the scars and Ryan flinched in response, grabbing my hand. I looked up at him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Ryan, is this...?" I trailed off as he still refused to look at me, confirming my suspicions. My eyes watered and I looked back down at his scars. Then I leaned forward and kissed them.

Ryan took in a sharp breath of air and grabbed my shoulders to stop me. "Wait. Jacob, please, don't-" he started to protest, but I ignored him and continued to kiss every scar I found. He closed his eyes and bit his lip; out of pleasure or fear, I wasn't sure. As I kissed the last mark on his skin, I looked up at him. He looked sad as he stared at at the grass, his breath slightly strained. "Sorry... I had wanted to hide this from you..." he said, the look of shame never leaving his face.

I frowned and made him look me in the eye. "Why?" I asked.

He seemed surprised. "Well... I-I mean, I thought..." He couldn't seem to get the right words out. Then tears spilled down his cheeks as the flood gates burst. "I didn't want you to see them because I felt like it would make flaws in our relationship..." he admitted.

I stared at him. "Why would it make flaws? There's nothing wrong with you," I said. I traced one of the scars lightly. "You have nothing to be afraid of."

"But I can't be only yours anymore," he said.

He wiped at his eyes frantically and I hugged him tightly, our bare chests warm against each other. "Of course you can. A scar is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a reminder of the battle we could've lost, but didn't," I said. Ryan's hands shook as he wrapped them around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I smiled and closed my eyes. "Win or lose, I'll still love you no matter how many wars we face; as long as we face them together."

*******

The End.

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