Hold Me Close (Edited Version)

Chapter 18

With hurried steps, Ryan shuffled me out of the apartment and down the stairs to the ground floor. I leaned on his arm wearily as we walked. "Thank you..." I said.

Ryan hugged me to him as we headed for home, but I could feel the tenseness in his shoulders as we walked. "Why were you with him? What happened?" he asked.

I couldn't meet his eyes. "I called him..." I admitted. He shot me a look and I sighed. "I was afraid he'd hurt you if he found out about us, so I tried to tell him to leave me alone," I said.

"By yourself? Jacob, I know why you did it, but it was still stupid," he said. "I thought he was going to hurt you. Do you know how worried I was?" He took my shoulders and pulled me in front of him so I would have face him.

"I know..." I said, ashamed. "But I didn't want you to have to deal with my mess. I was trying to fix things."

He stared at me, having no argument and finding no fault in my explanation. Still, he sighed, exasperated with me. "You're so reckless sometimes..." he said. He hugged me. "God, I was so scared when I got your text..."

I hugged him back. "I know. I'm sorry I scared you. I won't do anything like this again, I promise," I said.

"Good," he said. He pulled away to look at me. "Now, let's get you home. It's almost three in the morning."

I hesitated, tugging on his arm when he went to continue walking. "Actually..." I said. "I don't want to go home yet." I felt like a coward, but I didn't want to see my dad. Connor's words were weighing on my mind.

Ryan frowned, but understanding soon came over his face. "Oh, Jacob," he said. "I don't know what Connor said to you, but whatever it was is a lie. You can't listen to him."

I itched to avoid this topic. "I know, but... I can't help but feel he was right. He said my dad never cared about me... I just think that maybe he's not entirely wrong," I said.

Ryan held me by the shoulders. "Jacob, he was just trying to rattle your cage. Your dad loves you more than anything," he urged.

"Then why didn't he try before?" I asked. "Back when my parents divorced he didn't even try to keep custody. Not once."

This was a valid argument, but Ryan would hear none of it. "I'm sure he had his reasons. But he loves you and he did come back for you," he said. When I still felt unconvinced, Ryan bit his lip before grabbing my arm and pulling me with him. "Come with me. You need a distraction."

I followed him back to his house and he lead me inside. He must have noticed how nervous I was and slipped a hand around my waist to keep me from looking around too much. "Don't worry. My parents called me when I was hurrying to get you and said they had a company emergency. They won't be home for a while." He kissed my cheek. "You can relax."

I nodded and we went upstairs. After he shut the door, he pulled me towards him and kissed me hard, arms looping around my lower back. I was surprised by the sudden action and tried to pull away from him. "Ryan, please," I started.

He held me to him as he said against my lips, "It's okay. Just relax." He swayed to imaginary music as he walked backward, pulling me with him. "I'm trying to heal you. You need real love that can cover up the past."

I felt tears come to my eyes as the fear of the past came rushing back. There were so many nights of fake love that I would relive if this continued. But Ryan was determined. He moved me towards the bed and layed me down gently. I tried to sit up, but he straddled my waist. "It's okay, Jacob. I promise I won't hurt you," he said.

The tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. "But I'm scared..." I said. "I don't want it to be like before."

Ryan looked at me differently to Connor in that moment. He kissed my softly. "There's a difference this time," he told me.