You're not alone

Feelings

It took a couple days for things to kinda smooth back out to normal, lucifer didn't leave Charlie's side the entire first day and who could blame him, after being that traumatized for her to be saved and returned, he still didn't quite understand it all but he didn't really care either, he didn't see much of a life if Charlie was gone, she was his entire world..but the words Alastor had said to him kept bouncing around in his head as well...maybe it was time to let the past go and move on.
Charlie and Vaggie was having a day out on the town followed by a date night, Vaggie was impacted probably the worst after lucifer due to how close they was with dating and all and lucifer noted how she was always sitting beside her or holding Charlie's hand..or something. And it made him smile when he'd see this, realizing how close they were and the fact that his little appleseed wasn't so little anymore...though she would always be his little girl in his eyes. He was starting to wonder when he was going to gain a new daughter-in-law. All the signs where there it was just a matter of time, and he approved of it, Vaggie proved herself loyal, she fought beside Charlie to defend the hotel and ignored the battle and the risk of being hurt to get by her side, and that made her good in his books.

He sighed some now as he got up from his bed and started to just wander around the halls of the hotel...he really didn't have much to do, sure he had paperwork that needed to be done with being the king of hell and all...but he was also the king of hell. No one could make him do the paperwork if he didn't feel like doing it. Walking down the hall, he found himself in the lobby, looking around and not seeing anyone there. He mosied over into the kitchen, now figuring he would get himself a snack, still trying to catch back up from the week of not eating. He looked around and settled on a small bag of chips and a soda. He left the kitchen and walked back through the lobby and seen Alastor there now and stopped for a moment...ever since he held his hand a couple days ago...he was kinda avoiding Alastor, and not intentionally..he was..confused on how he felt with all this and was trying to figure out his own feelings. He stood there for another minute before sighing. He waved his hands and telported the soda and chips to his room before moving towards Alastor. There was only one way to figure out this stuff. He walked up to Alastor, and he cleared his throat, some making him look up from his paper with his usual smile.
"Morning lucifer"
"Morning Alastor....may I...sit with you?" He asked softly, to which alastor replied with a nod. He set his paper down and took a sip of his tea. He sensed that lucifer wanted to talk about something as he watched the short king sit down beside him. Alastor waited patiently as the king stared at his hands while twiddling his fingers, contemplating what to say or where to start.
"Something on your mind, lucifer?"
"I'm just...there's been so much going on these past few weeks that..I don't even know where to start...I finally reconnected with Charlie just to watch her die in front of me and just..that still haunts me, have nightmares of that almost every night...then you confessing your feelings to me...then Charlie returning alive, and she went to heaven...Lilith has been hiding there and my dad basically said I was forgiven and my punishment was long since paid!" He said as he flung his arms up into the air and slumped down into the couch with a groan.
"Nothing makes sense anymore, and it's just...all happening so fast, I can't handle it all like I used to... when I lost Charlie, it nearly killed me," he mumbled out. He's been playing catch up ever since that day, and everything was just moving so fast.
Alastor just sat there and listened as the king vented out everything on his mind.
"Well, it's a start. Now we just need to tackle these things one at a time, no?"
Lucifer didn't really look at him but just nodded at this.
"I see Charlie as a daughter of my own..at first it was just to annoy you and I must say it turned out splendid," he said with a chuckle as lucifer glared at him some He opened his mouth to say something but stopped as Alastor held up a hand.
"As I said, that was at first. The feelings have grown for her and I've seen how joyful she is, just having her around makes my day a little bit better...she was one of the first people that wasn't scared off by my presence, and I admired her for that" He said as he continued to talk about Charlie.
"And much like everyone else, it hurt when I heard the news of what happened the world just stopped moving and I felt...dead inside, she gave me the warmness in my chest that I had never felt before and in a matter of moments it was stripped from me. Much like you, I went to my room that night and cried myself to sleep, " he said as lucifer looked at him now.
"Then...why did you seem fine the next day...if you cared about her as much as you say...you should still be effected," he said almost accusingly to him, which Alastor simply smiled at him.
"Because Charlie would not want us to sit around and mourning her. She would want us to carry on her dreams of the hotel and that's exactly what I did...yes...I had my moments of breakdowns but I did my best to stay strong and help the others through it, like you and Vaggie"
Lucifer sat there and listened to Alastors reasoning before sinking into the couch once again. He didn't think of it like that.
"I... suppose that does make sense," he said softly.
"May I ask a question, lucifer?" Alastor asked as he looked at him. After seeing a nod, he proceeded.
"That day.. when I found you in your room....why did you do it?" Lucifer looked away now. He was afraid that this was going to come up and was hoping to avoid it.
"You know why..."
"I do... and at the same time I dont... so tell me," Alastor asked as he took another sip of his tea.
"I was a failure Al...worthless...I missed half of Charlie's life. Made her feel like I abandoned her and then I failed to protect her when she needed it most...what kinda father am I...I cant...die so I felt I deserved nothing but pain for what I've done and it...just led to one thing which led to that" He said as he wiped away some tears in his eyes with a soft sniff. Alastor listened to him and nodded... knowing that lucifer couldn't die would've made things a bit better.. but seeing him that day still scared him.
"Lucifer... you're not perfect. Nobody is, your the king of hell and a fallen angel, but even you make mistakes, just like everyone else does. You can't hold yourself to the standard of being perfect. That's not fair to yourself. Mistakes are a part of life lucifer...there are a million ways to live your life, and you simply found a wrong way, that's all. You still have many years to try different ones" Alastor said as lucifer sat there listening, the word's rolling around inside of his head and in a way it did make sense...this was a chance to change and be better, stop letting the past fears control his current day life. He slowly nodded his head while looking up at the ceiling.
"But please...no more attempted suicidal ok...loosing charlie was hard enough...loosing both of you...it nearly killed me when I seen you laying there on the floor...I'm not strong enough to loose both of you..." Alastor said, trailing off near the end. Which made lucifer look over as Alastor was looking down himself now.
"What...do you mean by that... the strong enough part..." He asked a bit curious now.
Alastor took a moment before answering the question.
"Im...not strong enough because I would've..lost 2 people that I care for...Charlie like a daughter...and you..for being to scared of my emotions to tell you about it sooner...I let fear...control me and keep me from saying anything, i would've been stuck living life without you and everyday looking back wondering why I was to afraid to tell you...it would eat me away from the inside" He said as he looked up at lucifer.
Lucifer didn't realize the breath he who was holding as his eyes widened a little when he listened to Alastor. He reached out and grasped his hand again, and looked at it.
"As...mentioned im...not sure if I return the same feelings...but I also listened when you said I need to move on...I was still stuck on Lilith only to find her hiding in heaven this whole time...so...I am willing to give this a shot...us" he said as he looked up at Al who smiled softly and nodded.
"That would be delightful,"
Lucifer found himself leaning in a bit and Alastor following the motion. They moved closer before their lips contacted the other. They held the soft kiss for a second before pulling back a little and stopping. Lucifer released the breath that he found himself holding yet again as a yellow blush formed on his face. It was the first kiss he's had in 7 years since lillith left him, his eyes gazed upon Alastor, who had a light blush of his own.
"That....was nice.." Lucifer said before Alastor leaned back in and kissed him again, lucifer let out a shy moan as his body wanted more, he put his arms around Alastors neck as he felt Alastors hands move and rest of the back of his head. After a bit, they both pulled back, panting some
"S..so...i...why dont..we keep this between...us for now and see where it leads?" Lucifer asked, Alastor nodded at this before watching him get up and move down the hall towards his room. He moved back and grabbed his paper and held it back up, and tried to read before blushing some as he thought of what had just happened. He couldn't take much more of it and put the paper down on the couch and moving down the hall and brought a hand up to knock on lucifers door before it flung open and revealed a blushing lucifer.
"Wanted....more as well?" He heard lucifer ask slowly and blushed more, seeing Alastor nod before smirking some.
"Glad we agree then," he said before grabbing his hand and yanking him in and closing the door.